👽SPOOKY PETER HEADCANONS👽

kurtwxgners:

so basically whilst me and @cosmic-clara / @put-in-writing were catching up, we somehow started talking about how much we adored watching the buzzfeed unsolved videos and that escalated into an hour long conversation about how modern!peter is a SLUT for conspiracy theories/ghost/aliens/and pretty much EVERYTHING SUPERNATURAL RELATED! so without further ado, here’s some headcanons from me and clara!

(aka, the one where peter is like mulder and his s/o is like scully)

• peter has always been super interested in supernatural stuff because “IT’S SO FUCKING COOL BABE”
• but his obsession really started when you guys were procrastinating and started watching the buzzfeed unsolved videos
• he 100% can and will sit and watch all of them in one sitting
• and he always low key freaks out because “THIS SOUNDS SO FUCKING LEGIT BABE”
•  “I KNOW THE ILLUMINATI AREN’T REAL BUT LIKE….. what if they can hear me say that….” “peter oh my god”
• some nights he’ll poke you until you’re awake and be like “so…. do you think that the clintons are apart of the illuminati and are shapeshifting lizard people? it sounds plausible” “GO TO SLEEP PETER” “but i kNOW THEY ARE” and then he proceeds to delve into a deep theory and you’re just about to lose your shit
• (he’s tried to get charles to look into the clintons minds to see if he can ‘read’ their lizard thoughts)
• (charles has lost count how many times he’s asked)
• he ALWAYS nonchalantly will be like “wow i can’t believe we ACTUALLY didn’t land on the moon”
• kurt is literally SHOOK when he hears that
• everyone has to stop peter from explaining to kurt a theory that will last four hours
• peter almost cried when charles told him that JFK was a mutant
• when he’s sick he’s always like “i can’t take medicine, it’s a ploy by the government to control our minds-” “peter just take the fucking advil or i won’t suck your dick”
• one of his favorite cases is the zodiac killer!!
• (his favorite meme is 100% that ted cruz is the zodiac killer. it’s confirmed that peter made posters with ted cruz’s face next to the police sketch and hung them around school)
• he’ll take you to the crime scenes to look for clues because he’s 100% convinced that the zodiac is still out there
• if it’s dark and he hears a noise he’ll dash out of there and back to the car LEAVING YOU THERE
• “PETER THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE JFC”
• a lot of your dates consist of UFO hunting!
• you take a picnic basket, loads of blankets, and take a truck out to a remote field where he’s researched to be a UFO hotspot and you guys sit out there with binoculars
• he takes a picture of you wrapped in blankets and looking up at the stars with binoculars and captions it “UFO hunting with my lady. #BEAMUSUP”
• HIS FAVORITE SHOW IS THE X-FILES!
• you bought him that iconic ‘i want to believe’ poster and he almost cried from happiness
• you guys have gone as mulder and scully for halloween multiple times!!
• another favorite show of his is supernatural! (”i only like the first three seasons though, there’s way more monsters!”)
• he has a little journal in which while he’s watching, he’ll take notes “just in case” (there are a lot of little doodles in there, too!)
• one day while you’re cleaning your room you find salt on the windowsill, and you sigh
• your first thought is “peter u fucking trash can” but then you realize it’s kiNDA SWEET? because he just wants to make sure you’re safe 100% of the time
• he also buys you deans amulet one year for your birthday because he again, wants you safe all the time
• when you kiss him and thank you warren says “that’s not the only protection she’ll need tonight ;–)”
• peter has dozens of the temporary demon protection tattoos from the show!
• one time you walk in to your room and he’s mumbling something in latin and you’re like “damn peter back at it again with the freaky ghost shit” SO WHEN YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE’S DOING HE’S JUST LIKE “it’s a protection spell!”
• peter is a huge slut for that cheesy ghost adventures show, omfg
• his favorite episode is this one

• you actually enjoy this one a lot because its HILARIOUS
• he would totally act like that around ghosts, omfg
• he’d here a noise and fucking BOLT
• “PETER THE GHOST JUST WANTS TO CHILL IT’S FINE” “NO GHOST EVER JUST WANTS TO CHILL BABE”
• peter get’s really into ghosts after he takes a picture of you in the mansion one day, and there’s multiple little orbs behind your shoulder
• that’s the start of his obsession with finding the ghost in the mansion
• “peter it’s a camera flare omfg” “….that’s what it wants us to think…..”
• you buy him a cheap ghost detector for his birthday one year as a joke, but he actually get’s SUPER excited
• he uses it everyday, tbh!
• he walks around the halls with it and JFC does the beeping get annoying
• one time at like four a.m. it went off and peter freaks out because it’s not the usual beeping, it’s like erratic beeping
• “BABE THE GHOST IS HERE OH MY GOD” “peter it probably just needs new batteries” “but bABE” “go to sleep before i start screaming”
• charles has to confront him one day because “you’re scaring the younger students”
• “you know what should scare them more? GHOSTS, you should be thanking me that i’m patrolling” “peter, that is a childs toy.”
• PETER MAXIMOFF IS IN LOVE WITH STRANGER THINGS
• he really is protective of the boys because he relates to them hella, especially when they get bullied
• so you just let him cuddle into you as you watch!!
• DON’T IMAGINE PETER DRESSING UP IN A GHOSTBUSTERS SUIT!
• HE’LL GO AROUND WITH HIS GHOST DETECTOR SAYING “WHO YA GONNA CALL?!” AND “I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOST!”
• (he asked hank to make him ghost hunting weapons like in ghostbusters)
• (hank said no)
• he bought you one and threw at you and said “PUT IT ON BABE WE’RE GOING GHOST HUNTING”
• (you’re both low key attracted to each other in the costumes)
• one day while you’re in the hallway you see peter bolt by in his ghostbusters costume and you’re just like “peter, back at it again” but then you see 10 little boys in ghostbusters costumes chasing after him!!
• PETER STARTS A GHOSTBUSTERS CLUB WITH ALL THE LITTLE BOYS WHO GET PICKED ON BY THE OTHER KIDS
• they all make little cardboard ghost detectors so they can follow peter around with them
• (it’s low key bc peter didn’t want them to mess with actual ghosts shh)
• charles wants to call him out on it but the kids are so happy with him 
• so he lets it happen
• one night you go to your shared room only to find peter surrounded by the boys with a light under his chin, telling scary stories
• peter gave you the happiest little grin you almost DIED inside
• you see the way peter makes them all giggle and laugh and that’s just a reminder of why you love him
• somewhere along the way the little girls made you the leader of their female ghostbusters squad!
• you and the girls are always in a prank war with the boys!
• one day you and peter set up a game where The Squad put sheets over their heads and whoever catches the most ‘ghosts’ wins!
• if you catch Kurt you win (bc he’s a teleporter!) he’s pretty much the golden snitch of the game
• SOMEHOW YOU CONVINCED CHARLES TO LET YOU AND PETER TAKE THEM ON AN ‘EXCURSION’ WHICH INVOLVED PITCHING TENTS IN THE WOODS AND WANDERING AROUND THE WOODS LOOKING FOR UFOS
• there’s a lot of laughs and pranks and it’s such a good time!!
• the boys try to prank the girls in the middle of the night but jokes on them because the girls found out and got them while they were trying to prank them
• CONSIDER THIS: HALLOWEEN WITH PETER MAXIMOFF
• peter’s favorite halloween meme is the fucking skeleton war
• he hides a bunch of plastic skeletons around the mansion dressed up in weird costumes
• “PETER WHY IS THERE A SKELETON WITH A PLASTIC SWORD IN MY BATHROOM” “the skeleton war…… it’s coming…….” “i hate you so much”
• the whole school loves this fucking meme
• there’s a sudden influx of plastic weapons and charles is like “what the fuck” when he confronts the kids, but they’re just like “THE SKELETON WAR PROFESSOR, IT’S COMING”
• this is pretty much what it’s like living with peter during this

• one of his favorite halloween things to do is a stupid fucking ouija board
• he gets the squad to try it one night and this is how it goes
• peter asked it one time if it was a friendly ghost, and when it moved to ‘no’ everyone lost their shit
• “DID YOU FUCKING MOVE IT” “I DIDN’T I SWEAR TO GOD”
• somewhere along the way the board got tossed and you all freak out because you were supposed to say ‘goodbye’ and you didn’t
• you all don’t sleep for a week
• he also LOVES hitting up haunted houses!!
• one time while you guys were having sex he thought of a new theory to the Bermuda triangle conspiracy and he literally got up to write it down
• and yOU’RE LAYING THERE LIKE “EXCUSE ME”
• “I CAN’T FORGET IT BABE IM SORRY” “you do it one more time we’re stopping and going to sleep” 
• he does it again so you roll over and he’s like “I’M SORRY PLEASE PLEASE”
• “nothing makes me drier than you bringing up aliens peter goodnight”
• when you tell the squad all the boys roast him for it
• “you can all thank me when the truth comes out bye”
• when you guys watch scary movies he’s always pointing out the details
• “that’s signs of a poltergeist not a demon smh”
• “DID THE DIRECTORS EVEN RESEARCH THIS UGH”
• “POSSESSION DOESN’T EVEN WORK LIKE THAT”
• IMAGINE IF HE THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS POSSESSED AT THE SCHOOL THOUGH BYE
• “WE NEED A PRIEST! KURT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BLESS THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PLACE”
• after peter bugged charles to get a priest, he has the damn audacity to make a daddy joke
• and if peter ever tried to excerise a demon by himself it’d be like that scene from this is the end
• you would be the one saying “that’s you’re fucking plan?! you’re gonna repeat lines from The Exorcist?!” “well i would assume they did their fuckin research!” “iT’S A MOVIE” “IT’S A MANUAL, A FUCKIN MANUAL”
• one summer you guys hit up every UFO hotspot, roswell, area 51, and the most haunted locations in america (and you maybe even go international!)
• one time though you guys got fucking arrested for climbing into a restricted area
• charles sent alex to bail you guys out
• “why the fuck would you try to break into area 51 jfc i don’t get paid enough for this shit
• (exasperated dad!alex summers is real af)
• another time peter wanted to go hunt for bigfoot so he took you up to oregon to go camping
• so you told scott and he bought a bigfoot costume and followed you guys without peter knowing
• when you guys are making a fire you tell scott to make some ruckus so when the noise of a twig breaking peter nearly loses his shit
• he grabs his camera and drags you into the woods and tHERE IS SCOTT IS HIS SHITTY COSTUME AND PETER NEARLY CRIES FROM HAPPINESS
• when you guys get back peter is showing off his pictures with excitement and it makes your heart melt a little because he’s so happy, so you and scott decide to keep it a secret
• but scott let it slip one day!!! :(((
• so you took peter again
• but this time when there was something spooky in the woods he was like “lmao okay scott come on” and you’re like panicking because “IT’S NOT SCOTT PETER OHMY OG”
• long story short you come home with blurry pictures of something that looks A LOT like bigfoot
• even though you’re a skeptic and he’s a believer, you still love your big nerd of a boyfriend and will always come with him to his ghost adventures and UFO hunting
• his argument is always “babe, if mutants can exist, so can the supernatural!
• bye i love peter and his huge dorky supernatural loving ass

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL and honestly Peter, if you watch supernatural YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO EXERCISE A DAMN DEMON BABE