You buy a coffin for your coffee table at a yard sale without looking inside, no one would actually sell a used coffin or dead body you figure.

A few weeks later during your biweekly get together with a few neighborhood acquaintances over for fondue you set your wine glass down a little too loudly and wake up a now very cranky vampire.

You’re now stuck with a vampire housemate because that’s the comfiest bed he’s had in 300+ years and he’ll be blessed by a priest before he moves out and you wont let it leave because it looks stunning in your living room

At the next neighborhood get together he stands glaring out from the kitchen directly at your newest neighbor Jacqueline "If that woman gets cup rings on my coffin I’m killing her.“

You take another bottle of wine from the cabinet "If she does then I’ll help you”