warnings: mental illness, mentions of child abuse, and emo spidey boy.
words: 3.5k ish
A/N: requests for the 100, riverdale, and peter parker imagines and headcanons are open! please request! also feedback is GREATLY appreciated so please tell me how you liked it or if you didn’t tbh!! also reblogging and liking is really helpful so feel free to do that too!! my inbox is always open if you need to talk!
The first time it happened, Peter had barely known you. He had gone upstate to the new Avenger’s facility to train with the Avengers for a couple of weeks in the hot months of July. He was constantly exhausted both physically and mentally and his skin was littered with dark marks, whenever one would fade away, there would be one just waiting to take its place. It was rigorous and Peter didn’t think he could have made it through a couple of weeks if it was not for you. You were the light in the sea of darkness, your presence would lift Peter from whatever he was feeling and plunge him into happiness. You were his solace in these times. Peter was desperate to strike up a friendship with you, and you didn’t mind all, desperate for someone your age to talk to. You knew the bare minimum about each other to be considered friends because he was always busy, but he had a day off coming up and was determined to spend the day with you, getting to know you. The besotted boy had planned everything out a few days in advance, anxiety flooding through him, questioning if the soft girl would even enjoy. He even mustered the courage to ask Tony if you would enjoy it, him being your uncle and all.
Normally, the protective father figure would disapprove of the thought of his little niece going out with anyone, but he liked Peter. Something about the kid just felt genuine, and his intentions were clearly pure, and you needed something to love. It was evident to him that the nightmares and panic and seeped its way back into your life, breaking the man’s heart. Everything he tried to fix your broken mind didn’t work. He was persistent and someone what desperate at this point, willing to try anything, so if that meant allowing Peter to grow closer to you, he was willing to let it happen.
From the second the boy woke up, he was exuberant for the day ahead of him. Socked feet made contact with the soft carpeted floors and he practically pranced out of his room, joy in each step he took. His presence was automatically detected in the kitchen, raising the heads of a few stay avenger’s trying to consume their breakfast before pushing on with their days. Peter scanned the room, searching for your bright eyes. His smile fell when he couldn’t find them. Surely you would have been up, it was eight thirty and you were always making yourself a bowl of cereal or pancakes for everyone in the house.
“Where is Y/N?” the boy questioned, the question aimed at anyone who could answer. Tony looked up at him with a sympathetic smile, he knew how excited Peter was today and wasn’t keen on informing him of what happened.
“She is gone today, I’m really sorry Peter,” he admitted. Disappointment bubbled inside of Peter’s body, his mind started to race coming up with places that you could have gone. Surely you remembered their plans for today, why would you leave him with no note or text?
“What?” Peter croaked, desperately trying to cloak the sadness in his voice but failing.
“Sorry kid, I don’t know when she’ll be back,” Tony sighed. Peter found himself looking to the other’s in the room, maybe one of them knew where you went. Pepper got up and placed one of her hands on Tony’s shoulders, a sad sparkle in her eyes.
“Did something happen last night?” she asked the tenser man. He shook his head.
“She was fine when I said goodnight. I thought she was getting better, this hasn’t happened in months,” he spoke softly, not really wanting Peter to overhear. Peter looked at the floor, deciding to skip breakfast today. He sauntered back to his room, his demeanor having done a full 180 in the past few minutes. Messages of doubt were all that filled his brain, maybe you didn’t like him and just didn’t want to tell him. Maybe you had another date today or maybe you truly had an emergency that you couldn’t attend. He wanted to believe that latter, but deep down his insecurities tried to convince him that you just didn’t want to spend time with Peter. The boy flopped down on his bed, grabbing a random blanket, cocooning himself in it. His hands found their way to his stickered covered laptop on his bedside table. The screen lit up with life as he brainstormed things he could do to distract himself from what happened. Playing games online with Ned seemed like the best option.
Fingers pounded at the keyboard as he logged on to his Skype account. The sound of ringing filled his ears when it was replaced with Ned’s voice.
“Peter!” Peter smiled a little at the sound of his best friend’s voice, he could always count on Ned to distract him from literally everything.
“Hey man, what’s up? Do you wanna go online?”
“Hell yeah! I just leveled up to 163 last night!” Ned clearly took pride in the newest achievement.
“That’s awesome! I’m still at 156,” Peter sighed.
“Well yeah, but you have also been training with the fucking Avengers for the past few weeks!” Peter chuckled.
“Yeah, I guess you are right,” he sighed, his mind drifting off again to you.
“Dude, are you joining or not?” Ned’s voice brought him back to reality as he shook off the thought of you.
“Yeah, s-sorry,” the boy stuttered, trying to join the game as fast as he could. He was thrown headfirst into a battle, as his fingers danced across the keyboard, trying to defend his character.
“I’m going in! Peter, can you back me up?” Ned spat. Peter nodded before realizing Ned couldn’t see him.
“Yeah.” Ned’s character broke out into a run in front of him as Peter tailed behind him, looking around for anyone who could be of harm to Ned. Of course, his mind drifted off to you again, distracting him from the game. The sound of shots startled him as he realized the person he was supposed to protect was being shot at.
“Peter what the fuck! I’m dead, you were supposed to have my back!” Ned screamed in anger, as Peter sunk down further into the mess of blanket on him.
“Sorry man, I’m little distracted at the moment,” he apologized.
“Oh, with Y/N? Wait holy shit, did you already go on your date? What happened? Where did you go? Oh my god, Peter did you kiss-”
“She ditched!” Peter interrupted, his voice laced with exasperation.
“Oh damn,” Ned whispered in surprise. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Peter spat in frustration.
“Have you talked to her about it?” Ned questioned.
“No, she is gone. Mr. Stark told me this morning.”
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t fucking know!” Peter quipped.
“Damn, what a bitch,” Ned mumbled under his breath.
“She isn’t a bitch, Ned. She is literally the nicest person I know, I just don’t get why she ditched me. She didn’t even leave a note or anything. Maybe it was an emergency, you know? Like she had to leave-”
“Wouldn’t Mr. Stark go with her though?” Ned interrupted, the last little bit of hope fleeing Peter’s body. The forlorn boy sighed, his dreams crushed, a feeling of sadness pressing on his chest.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Peter spoke apathetically.
“Look dude I’m sorry, forget her. Girls-”
“Let’s just keep playing,” he forced out between pressed lips. The two continued to play in silence, sometimes they would spit out a word or two to each other, but for the most part silence. Peter’s self-esteem was faltering fast, his insecurities finally taking over. He wasn’t good enough for you.
Tony found himself outside of your closed door, a stray plate of food in his hand. His knuckles reached up to knock but he stopped himself and went straight for the doorknob letting himself in. The soft smell of lavender reassured him that he was in the right room. The pastel purple walls hung with pictures of the things you loved and soft fairy lights was a sharp contrast to your figure in the bed. Your hair was sprawled out behind you as you stared forward at the wall. The old, beaten up Teddy Bear was pressed up against your chest. The sight broke the man’s heart. He walked over to your bed, as gently as possible, placing the plate of food on your bedside table. Secretly he hoped that the smell of food would bring you out of your trance, but he knew it wouldn’t; nothing could.
These episodes happened when often when you were younger, you were gone at least once a week. The older man was never quite sure what to do, the doctor reassured him that you were okay, and you would always come out of them. The first couple of times it happened, he would just sit next to your body, staring at you. He then got used to it, and left you alone, usually going to find a sense of comfort in whoever was in the house. The rest of the avenger’s had gotten used to it also, it broke their hearts but they also knew that there was nothing they could do to make you stop.
Tony found his hands brushing the hair out of your face as kneeled down by your body. Your eyes were aimed directly at him but he knew you didn’t see him. Your eyes were unresponsive, expressing no acknowledgment of his presence. Your mind was off somewhere else, Tony was always curious about where it went, but the one time he asked, he sent you into a downward spiral. You shook and cried and fought him away from you, sprinting back into your room. He then never asked again. Sighing, he decided to leave to go see if everyone wanted to gather for dinner, figuring it was a good distraction for everyone.
A knock, sounded on Peter’s door, interrupting his viewing of ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’. He quickly paused the movie while shouting to whoever was knocking that he was coming. His legs felt like jello due to them not being used all day as he rushed to the door, he passed by a mirror and caught a glimpse of his reflection. Matted brown curls flopped on his head and his usually vibrant brown eyes were dulled down with sadness. The boy shook it off and opened the door coming face to face with Tony Stark.
“M-Mr. Stark!” He exclaimed as he clawed at his hair, trying to tame the mess to look a little more presentable. Tony laughed at his childish behavior.
“Dinner is in 5 and you’re required to be there,” he demanded before turning around and leaving. Peter sat there, his head cocked in confusion. They usually didn’t all have dinner together, but he was a little excited. Maybe you were home and he could talk to you about today. He nervously undressed himself out of pajamas and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He searched for a brush and a bit of gel so he could tame his hair. He smiled at himself in the mirror, satisfied with his appearance. The boy made his way down the stairs, greeted by most of the Avengers sitting at the table, laughing about something. He gave them all a smile and a hi before finding his seat. He scanned the table for you, but you were nowhere to be seen. His heart dropped as his blood ran cold, all he wanted to do was talk to you but you wouldn’t answer his texts. He stayed silent while shoveling the warm food into his mouth.
“What’s got you down Peter?” Thor randomly asked, sending everyone’s attention to the boy. He blushed before shaking his head, half-heartedly trying to convince everyone that he was fine, but no one fell for it.
“Awe, girl problems?” Thor pressed with a large grin on his face. Peter blushed and just stared at the ground. Thor laughed before slapping Peter on the back.
“I’m just messing with you kid. But speaking of which, where is Y/N?” he questioned while taking a bite out of the sweet roll. A silence fell over the room, all heads turning to Tony.
“She’s gone today,” he hesitated. Everyone’s once happy faces turned into saddened ones. Did everyone know where you were but him? Anger started to consume him.
“She was doing so well,” Thor sighed.
“Let’s just drop it,” Tony stated harshly. Everyone murmured their sorrys as they continued to eat in silence. Conversation soon picked back up, but Peter didn’t speak a word. When he was done, he got up and left, muttering something about needing to do something.
“Does he know?” Thor asked when Peter was out of sight. Pepper shook her head.
“And we aren’t going to tell him,” she continued as Thor nodded in understanding.
Peter slammed his door shut in anger. He had put so much thought into today and you had the audacity to leave! You told everyone else but him.
“God I’m so stupid!” He whispered-yelled running his hands through his hair. He needed to put his anger into something so he slipped his spider-man suit on and snuck out the window. His legs started to pick up speed, not quite sure of where they were going, but he kept on going. He shot up his web to a tree before swinging to the top of it. The boy sat down on the highest branch, panting.
“I sense a high heart rate, are you okay Peter?” Karen’s voice startled Peter.
“Holy shit Karen! Don’t do that!” Peter exclaimed, rebalancing himself on the branch.
“I apologize Peter.” He sighed.
“Hey Karen, do you know where Y/N is?” Peter joked.
“Yes, she is six miles away at the Avenger’s campus,” Karen recited. Peter jumped up in surprise, you were back?
“Wait, Mr. Stark told me she was gone!” He started back down the tree, his legs picking up speed as he dodged fallen branches.
“Physically she is there, but mentally she is not.” Karen’s comment made Peter stop in his tracks.
“What?” he breathed.
“Y/N suffers from PTSD and sometimes has episodes where she will dissociate herself from the current day, and spend it in bed.” Suddenly everything clicked, that’s how everyone knew where you were. His breathing stopped, how could have been so stupid? He assumed the worst of you, when he should have been worrying about you.
“Will she be okay?” Peter asked, his heart racing with fear.
“Normally, yes.” He let out the breath that he had been keeping inside. He felt awful about the whole situation, the now anxious boy raced back to the campus. Carefully he slid back into his room and stripped himself of his suit and hazily threw on his pajamas. Quietly, he opened the door to his bedroom and slipped out. He tiptoed around the quiet house until he found himself in front of your room. The boy questioned his actions, what if he was making a mistake? What if he was just going to make things worse?
“Hey!” Peter heard a voice as he jumped two feet in the air. His hand flew to his heart as he realized who was there.
“You scared me Mr. Stark!”
“Why are you in front of Y/N’s room?” He interrogated, a fire in his eyes.
“I just w-wanted to make sure that she was all r-right,” Peter stuttered.
“Who told you?” Tony demanded, coming closer to the frightened boy’s body.
“Karen!” He spoke as Tony sighed.
“There is nothing you can do kid, she might be like this for a while,” the older man spoke, slumping down against the wall. Peter hesitantly sat next to him on the floor.
“How long has this been happening?” Peter furrowed his brows.
“Four year’s now.”
“Can I ask what caused them, or would that be rude of me. You know what forget-”
“Her mom was a shitty person. My brother died when Y/N was younger in front of her mother and her, and her mother turned to drinking and didn’t stop for years before she died,” he interrupted as they sat in silence. Peter understood what he was implying as his heart broke in two for you. He knew what it was like to lose their parent’s but he couldn’t imagine having a toxic person like that in his life. You seemed so happy and you were always positive, that was one of the first things that peaked Peter’s interests.
“Wow,” Peter finally said as Tony just nodded his head.
“It hasn’t happened for months though, I truly thought she was getting better,” Tony whispered wanting to cry but in front of the young boy. He didn’t want to seem weak in front of the young boy, so he held his composure.
“You should go get some sleep, she might be up tomorrow. Also forget the conversation ever happened,” Tony continued as Peter stood, offering his hand out to the older man to help him up. Tony smiled before taking the boy’s hand. “Thanks, Peter.” Peter offered him a small smile before turning around to get back to his room.
“Oh, and Peter,” Tony started making Peter turn around in his tracks. “I’m sorry about your date today.” The boy shrugged before wandering off back to his room. Peter got under the covers and laid his head down on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling. He wondered how you were so strong. Your face was the last thing he saw before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
His alarm woke the teenager out of his sleep, a groan escaping his lips. Tired eyes flickered open as he smashed the snooze button on his phone. His mind was clouded as he rubbed his eyes. A war raged on in his mind, should he get up or not? He decided that he needed a good shower so he dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom, turning on the hot water until the room was steamy. The boy tiredly peeled off his pajamas and stepped into the warm water, his eyes still half closed. He washed all the dirt and feelings from yesterday, wanting to start new.
When he finished, he started his way downstairs, searching for your eyes. When he finally stumbled into the kitchen he found you, making pancakes. You smiled when you saw him, his face instantly brightening.
“Morning Peter! Want a pancake?” Your question, happiness evident in your voice.
“Y/N!” You yelled as the lanky boy pulled you into his arms, hugging you will all his might. You melted away in his warm embrace, sorry for the other day.
“Peter I’m so sorry about yesterday, my friend had an emergency,” you lied, not knowing that Peter knew everything. He gave you a happy smile.
“That’s okay! There is always next time, I’m just glad you’re okay!” Peter chirped, his gaze full of love and admiration. You giggled at his cute little self.
“You know you’re pretty damn cute Peter Parker!” You grinned as the boy blushed looking at the floor.
“Woah, Woah, Y/N you’re not allowed to call anyone cute!” Your uncle’s voice yelled out. You smiled at the sight of him, embracing him.
“I’m worried about you,” he muttered in your ear.
“I’m okay, don’t worry,” you whispered to him as you pulled away giving him an ‘I told you so’ look. He rolled his eyes and grabbed a pancake. It was now your turn to roll your eyes as you grabbed a few pancakes and placed them on a plate, sliding it over you.
At this very moment, Peter realized he was desperately in love with you.
Toad's Cave 