synapsis: reader sees loki in his jotunn form for the first time after a mission gone wrong
warnings: some sexual content (nothing explicit), angst?? fluff
wc: 1112
au: okay so i don’t feel like there’s many jotunn loki fics and here i am, ready to fucking serve you the meal you never asked for
There are parts of us we hate. Parts of us we have grown to despise–whether it’s from societal pressure to hate it or our own over active imagination that tell us this part of us is wrong. All people have something about themselves they would change. Some people hate their nose, their lips, their weight, their height, and the list could go on and on. Some people come up with obscure things to hate about themselves like how their feet naturally position themselves when standing or the way their eyelashes curl a little too far to the right.
The truth is, hate is not something learned. The world loves to believe that, but hate is something each person naturally has imbedded into them. We hate because we compare and we envy and these are two things we have always done and will always do. The only problem is, hate can be lit alive by stories and parents and the feelings of an unloved childhood.
God’s, you discovered, are no different in that aspect. There are bits and pieces of them that they have learned to hate. That they have learned to wish never were. To you, a god was a perfect being. They were perfectly sculpted and flawless–and both of the god’s you had met were perfect looking men. Or at least, that’s what you thought.
Thor was the epitome of a man; tall, muscular, hot but adorable. He was naturally goofy and completely lovable. There wasn’t a single person in the world that could hate him. Loki, he was lithe. Tall, dark, and handsome. He was charming yet cold. The Avengers had started to like him more but it was a process–and some of that toleration had to do with you.
You were the new kid. You were a glorified assistant to all of the Avengers. They treated you like family but you ran most of their errands, scheduled meetings and public showings, and got them food when they were too busy to go out and get their own. You were a college junior and had a lot of life to live so they weren’t too pleased when you told them that you and Loki were seeings each other. But, they loved you so they would have to learn how to love him too.
Still, no matter how many months you and Loki were together there were always new things to learn about him.
You learned that he wasn’t Asgardian before the first time the two of you ever had sex. He looked at you but he was really looking past you. His jaw clenched and he sighed, “I’m not Asgardian, I was adopted from a different realm.”
You took this and accepted this because there was nothing else you could really do. This knowledge did not change how you viewed him or your feelings toward him. It only changed his race.
It was nearly the first year you were together when you discovered what his true form was. Loki knew this day was coming, you’d have to see it eventually. God of Mischief and Lies he may be, but no relationship stands firm with lies and secrets. Only, he figured he would show it to you in his own time. Not that he’d turn after being severely injured during a mission. Not that you would be down ready to meet him and see him limping with his arm around Thor’s shoulder off the Quinn jet. Not that you would look near-distraught and confused.
When his red eyes met yours he froze. Jerking Thor with him, he stood still and waited on the terrible reaction. Everything stopped, each member of the Avengers team held their breath and waited. No one knew how you were going to react and they were trying to prepare themselves for the best. For disgust, for rejection, for harsh words, and a horrid ending to a truly lovely relationship. They expected this.
What they didn’t expect was for you to break into a mad dash towards them. A tidal wave of shock passes over everyone as they watch you, tears coming up in your eyes as you came closer to the man you love. His name on your lips as you approached him, “Loki, baby, are you okay?”
You’re worried. Almost as if you hadn’t noticed the color of his skin and eyes. Almost as if he looked the same as he did everyday. It was odd, as if you couldn’t tell how much cooler his body is and how it contaminates the air around him. You don’t flinch when your fingers touch his cool skin, you just stare up at him and hope that he isn’t too hurt.
He almost laughs at this but opts for, “I’m okay, my love.”
Then you walk with him and Thor down to the medical unit and put him on a bed. Your hand is in his and you kiss his cheekbone despite how cold it makes your lips. This is still Loki, he is the same person and this is him without the illusion–of course, you don’t care. He is still your love, even if he is blue right now or forever.
Thor leaves for a moment to go find pain medication and this leaves you alone for a moment. A moment Loki isn’t sure he completely wants. You haven’t rejected him or you haven’t acted disgusted with him. Although he is. If he were you and had seen him like this out of no where he would have rejected him. His throat is tight and he doesn’t want to be the first one to speak because it’s scary for him.
Your free hand comes up and caresses his cheek, “Love, why didn’t you show me this part of you sooner?”
This takes him for surprise. Why didn’t he? He should have known you would still love him because you weren’t the kind of person to hate. You were a good person, a loving person! You were so calm and collect. Only worried, and not about the color of his skin and who he truly is, but about how hurt he is.
He doesn’t like to be vulnerable but he has to, “I was afraid you would hate me for it, I don’t particularly like it.”
“But it’s apart of you! A part you can’t change and I think it’s an okay part.” You’re laughing a sweet laugh, one that he loves.
He swallows hard and looks at you to make sure you aren’t lying–why would you–“this… this form doesn’t bother you?”
You can feel tears rising up again when you answer, “blue’s always been my favorite color.”
Toad's Cave 