symbiote-spideypool:

ok so like peter has been with the avengers for a while, and one day, since tony’s paranoid af and has friday keep tabs on what peter buys online because a) some of the depression jokes peter uses scare him and b) peter once bought a taser because he’d never been tasered before and wanted to know what it felt like, friday tells him that peter’s bought a #1 dad mug

which when it gets out causes a minor war among the avengers as they all try to guess who peter’s going to give it to, tony’s been getting mean about his insults and even though clint’s pretty sure it’s not him, he’s started pouring salt in tony’s expensive espresso machine out of spite, cap’s been upping his “dad factor” by being even more obnoxiously preachy about the importance of “working together” and “eating salads”, which has sent bucky into a bad mood because steve is the most hypocritical bastard he’s ever had the misfortune of taking care of, and thor’s just buying blue and orange solid colored polo shirts and kakhi pants in his attempts to understand what a midguardian dad is like and he’s having so much fun, bruce is tired of clint putting salt in the life giving espresso machine and starts rigging his arrows to randomly go off

peter in the meantime had been buying a #1 mom mug for loki because ever since peter expressed interest in one of his mutant animal kids, loki keeps sending him pictures of his kids on facebook and gushing about them, it came with a #1 dad mug which he started using himself because somebody’s gotta take care of peter, and that person is peter, damnit