whirlybirbs:

bucky struggles to cope with being so… free post-winter soldier. he’s not used to having so much time, so much freedom. for years, he was nothing but an instrument and now he can play any tune he likes and it terrifies him.

something that helps bucky feel a little more at ease is establishing a routine, which he tends to follow kind of religiously.

wake up, run, eat, train, eat, free time, eat, sleep.

on tuesdays and thursdays, he sleeps in and boxes late with steve & sam. wednesday’s are for laundry. on friday nights, he gets pad thai takeout — same place, same order — and watches whatever’s on the history channel until bed.

on days when his schedule changes, even minutely, he struggles. there’s a nagging sense of being out of control and he hates it. it plunges him into a mild panic most of the time and bucky tries his best to right himself on track lest his whole world just…. crumbles, he guesses.

when you come into his life, the adjustment leaves him grappling with the fact that his daily routine and romance just… don’t mesh. at all. being spontaneous brings on a panic like no other with fear of breaking his comfort zone.

so, you settle on the small things. he always sits to your right, always holds your right hand. when he kisses you, he kisses you twice. he has his spot on the couch, his side in bed. wednesday nights, you help him fold his socks. he memorized your pad thai order by heart, has it bought and laid out for you by the time you make your way over to his apartment on fridays.

and sometimes, he doesn’t sleep in. he wakes up early and you two roll in the sheets, locked in bliss and the break in routine isn’t so terrible. he kisses you more than just twice in a row.

one day, he skips boxing to take you to the movies and he’s glowing — he smiles and laughs the entire time and you wonder if he realizes it’s a tuesday.

slowly, bucky is no longer bound to routine. he forgets what it’s like to break down when he loses track of time, he forgets the panic associated with living.

and honestly? he’d break his routine for you any day.