Warnings: language, smut, mentions of depression, PTSD
(A/N: lmao the one where Bezza posts for the first time in like 13 years… Working on some stuff that will hopefully be posted soon!)
It takes a long time for him to trust himself to physically touch you
Even as his mental health improves, he’s still a little apprehensive about his metal arm
That arm is so cold and so harsh, it feels wrong to touch someone as soft and warm as you with it
And also, somewhere a little deeper, he’s afraid you’re disgusted by it
So when you first start dating, there are a lot of times he wants to reach out and hold you, but he doesn’t because he’s so terrified that you’ll feel the metal on your skin and flinch away from his touch
But then one day, you surprise him
You’re walking through the park, and unlike most days for some reason you’re on his left side
And he wants so badly wants to reach out and hold your hand like a normal fucking boyfriend
But he’s too scared, he can’t bring himself to do it
And then the two of you pause by the river to look out at it and you surprise him by reaching out and lacing your fingers with his own
You seem completely unbothered by the feeling of the metal between your fingers and then you surprise him again
You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss him knuckles, looking up at him through your lashes
And damn, if his heart doesn’t nearly beat right out of his chest
He happily holds your hand the rest of the day, and after that touching you with his metal arm feels a little easier
He forces himself to make noise when he walks around you so he doesn’t startle you
Bucky absolutely detests scaring you, even if it’s accidental or as a joke
Forehead kisses. So many forehead kisses.
One of his favorite things in the world is to gently cup the back of your neck, pull you close and duck down to kiss your forehead
Sometimes he’ll just stand there with you for a little while, lips pressed against your skin
He loves the way your eyes slip closed and you relax into him
And once he gets over his initial hesitation with holding you, all he wants to do is have you in his arms
He is also a huge fan of laying spread out on the bed with you on top of his chest
He likes it when you prop yourself up a little bit to play with his hair or trace the lines of his face
When you brush your fingertip over his lip, he’ll playfully bite your finger just to watch you giggle
Bucky can be fucking goofy sometimes and it’s so sweet
On morning where he doesn’t want you to get up, he’ll simply roll over on top of you
He’s a big ass man and a super soldier, you sure as hell aren’t going to be able to move him if he doesn’t wanna move
“Bucky, baby, you have to get up, I have to go.”
“I’m sorry, Bucky’s not here right now, call back later.”
“James Barnes, if you don’t get up right now–”
“I don’t know a James Barnes, do you?”
He has these like gentle outbursts where he just needs all of your attention
It can hit at any time and he never quite knows why
But you’ll be cooking, or reorganizing your bookshelves or working
And he’ll come over and kind of just hang all over you
He’ll wrap his arms around you and kiss all over your neck and shoulder and squeeze you close
“Aw, Buck. I’ll come love you for a very long time.”
He really likes to go to museums with you
He likes learning about the simpler developments over the course of history
Sometimes when you go you’ll tell him things you remember learning in history class
“I actually did my history fair project on this freshman year of high school, won some scholarship money for it. It’s funny how much I still remember.”
“Tell me all about it, professor.”
He gets a little uncomfortable when he sees pictures of himself in musuems
He gets a little distant and stiff, so you wrap your arms around his waist and lean up to press a kiss to his jaw and say, “I remember learning about you in middle school.”
His smile is a little tight when he says, “Oh yeah?”
“Mhm. There was a whole little section about you in my textbook. Whole class made fun of my when I said I thought you were cute.”
His cheeks turn a little pink and he smiles, leaning down to kiss you and tickles your side because the sound of you laughing always makes him feel better
He really loves books and movies
So once a month you’ll do a book exchange
And when you both finish your books he’ll take you to his favorite little cafe
And the two of you will talk for hours and hours about the books you read
And every couple of weeks or so you’ll have movie nights
You pick a favorite movie from childhood and he’ll pick a movie he’s heard about but never saw
And you’ll watch them on the couch with lots of wine and popcorn
Inevitably, you get wine drunk on these nights
And so he entertains you while you’re intoxicated, somehow never getting annoyed with you
“I bet you I could beat you in a fight, Buck.”
“I’m sure you could, slugger.”
“I’m serious, I’m so tough. I could one hundred percent take you.”
“And I’m being serious, I believe you. You’d kick my perky ass, baby girl.”
“Only cause you’d never actually hit me.”
“Never. Not for anyone or anything.”
“That’s okay. I don’t really wanna fight you anyway. I’d rather kiss you instead.”
“What do you know? That’s also my preference.”
Sex with Bucky takes a little bit of working up to
He has a lot of insecurities about it
It’s obviously been a while and he’s so terrified he won’t be able to satisfy you
And he’s still a little insecure about his body
He’s got a lot of scars, and the skin where the metal is grafted to his arms isn’t pretty
He just looks… violent in his mind
And just like with the metal arm, there’s something that seems so inherently wrong about putting anything that seems so violent near you
But then you see him shirtless for the first time and instead of seeming repulsed, you kissed every single one of his scars
You traced the skin at his left shoulder with fluttering fingers and kissed it until he practically melted
You have this magical way of melting away all of his insecurities and even though he doesn’t understand it, he adores you for it
Sex with him in the beginning is almost always slow, methodical
He takes his time with your body because you are the most precious thing in the world
And even if Bucky hasn’t had sex in a while, one thing he’s had ample practice in is reading body language
He’s almost more in tune with your body than you are, he knows exactly how and where to touch you to make you come undone
He loves to admire you, looking at your body and committing every detail to memory
The patterns of your freckles and moles, the shapes of your tan lines, the baby hairs at the name of your neck, the lines of your palms, the places your body dips and curves
He’s traced his fingers over every detail, kisses following in his hand’s wake as he whispers how much he loves you into your skin
Unless, you know, you ask him to pound you into the headboard. Then he’s totally down for that.
But not at first, and neven too rough. He knows he has to be careful because as much as he loves that his super strength allows him to pick you up and carry you anyway he likes, he also knows he can’t ever forget how much stronger he is than you
You are literally his whole world, and like… that’s just how it is
Bucky spent so long being a slave to an awful cause, but then he meets you and it’s like he can see the good in the world again
You see the bad parts of him and you don’t just try to ignore them, you face them and love them just like the rest of him
So of course he would do literally anything for you, you deserve that much
But what’s so beautiful about you is that you never ask him to do anything but be himself
And very few people have asked so little of him
So yeah, you are the absolute center of Bucky’s universe and he takes every opportunity to tell you
“Hey, Y/N?”
“What’s up, handsome?”
“You know you’ve got me wrapped around your little finger, right?”
“Stop that. If I fall anymore in love with you, I’m not gonna have room for anything else.”
Toad's Cave 