That was the first thing you’d said to Lenalee Lee after things had settled down, and you were both comfortably at the Order. You had both been eating to build up your strength again when you suddenly spoke up. It was pretty chaotic in the cafeteria, as it always was, but Lenalee had been hear long enough to train her ears to hear certain voices amongst the swell of noise from the crowd. She lowered her spoon back into her bowl and looked at you.
You were gazing at her, sitting sideways on the bench with your elbow on the table and your head leaning against your fist. Your dish had been pushed to the side, forgotten. Your expression was neutral, as was your tone, so Lenalee couldn’t tell if your observation was a good one or a bad one, or just that: an observation, just you thinking out loud.
“It has,” she agreed slowly, eyeing you for a reaction. Still, you did not give one. Uncertainty blossomed inside her, making her feel self-conscious.
You had only ever known her with short hair–in fact, the same could be said for most of the Order. She always kept her hair grown long. Given the nature of how it was cut, she feared that maybe you didn’t like how it wasn’t neat. She had examined her reflection in the mirror for quite some time when she was washing up after returning home to the Order–not out of vain, but out of curiosity. She didn’t care how she looked, so long as she was alive. Still, she was worried about your opinion.
Your gaze was heavy, but you didn’t say anything, and Lenalee couldn’t find her voice to explain what had happened. How do you tell a loved one the tale about how you nearly died? About how you watched many of your friends die? It all still weighed heavy on her heart, and she didn’t know how to bring it up without it becoming too overwhelming. She also didn’t want to upset you, and she knew that the news would certainly do just that.
Whatever she was expecting or hoping from you, it wasn’t for you to reach your hand out and run your hand through the short, choppy locks upon her head, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t like it. Your hand moved in comforting motions, making her heart fill with many emotions, all at once. She could feel her eyes stinging, threatening to shed tears as she stared intensely at her bowl.
“It’s cute,” you assured softly. “I like it.” Then, to her surprise, you gently pulled her head to your shoulder, embracing her with one arm. Murmuring into her hair, you added in a quiet voice, “I don’t know what happened, and I’m not going to push you for answers. I’m just glad your here–safe–with me. Just know that you can talk to me, okay? You seem overwhelmed with something. It doesn’t have to be now, it doesn’t have to be next week. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Your words were enough to send all of her repressed feelings spilling over, leaving wet trails down her cheeks. She didn’t sob, she didn’t wail. She silently mourned for Anita and her crew. She mourned for her friends who had died once, and thanked whoever was listening for bringing them back again. She also thanked god, the universe, anyone and anything that would listen, for guiding her back here, into your arms–to her home.
Your free hand went to her back, rubbing up and down slowly, methodically. You felt your own tears threatening to fall, as they always did when you saw Lenalee, your precious Lenalee, in such a sorrowful state. But you wouldn’t cry, not here in the cafeteria, and especially not in front of her, not when she’s already so distraught. Instead, you smothered the urge to cry with a choked laugh, placing a kick kiss to her head.
“Really, it’s really cute,” you rambled as a distraction. “I love it. I really do. It suits you. It’s so soft.”
This managed to pull a weak laugh from her, and she sat up, wiping her eyes. Her hand found yours and held onto it tightly. When she managed to pull herself together, she smiled at you. You smiled back, squeezing her hand once.
“I love you,” she said, because she was afraid she’d never get to say it again.
“I love you, too,” you replied, because in that moment that’s all you would allow yourself to feel. No sadness, no pain. Just an overwhelming love for the girl sitting next to you, and that was enough for you.
Toad's Cave 