She had been hanging around the group more and more. Jim wasn’t sure who brought her in but he knew it made no sense. She was the same year as them, same age but she was more. She was smarter and she knew better. What confused him the most was his need to be physically near her and the fact that she seemed to enjoy him around her.
As the group sat around the fire the boys had made, Y/N had sat on a blanket, her sun-kissed legs spread out in front of her and Jim’s blue jacket on her shoulders. The nights could get a bit nippy near the water. When Jim turned to look for it, a bit chilly himself, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw who had made use of it.
He sat next to her, making sure not to bring too much sand onto the blanket, “Cold?”
“A bit,” she nodded, “I hope you don’t mind. Are you cold?” She began to take the jacket off but he held his hand up.
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” he smiled as she thanked him. Y/N looked across from where his sister, Medina, sat watching. She couldn’t make out his sister. She seemed perpetually upset or uninterested. She hoped anything negative wasn’t due to her or her presence around Jim.
Y/N was pulled from her thoughts when she felt something against her hand. She had been sitting while leaning back on her hands behind her. Jim had sat the same way. When she looked behind her, she was aware of his pinky on hers. She looked up at him though he would not meet her eyes.
As the night went on and she began to get colder, she dug her hands deep into the pockets of his jacket. It was only then she felt the small bag inside. Taking it out, she saw the baggie of pills and quickly stuffed them back into his pocket. When the group began to get a bit more rowdy, specifically the idiot boys like Chad, Y/N took a play from Medina’s book, who had already went home, and stood up.
She turned back to Jim, pulling the jacket tighter around her, “Do you want to walk with me?”
He nodded enthusiastically, maybe a bit too much and internally chastised himself for not playing it cooler. He stood carefully, making sure not to spill his beer as he did and followed Y/N further down by the water.
“Can I ask you something?” She said after a few minutes of walking in silence. The only sound up until that point was the waves and the sloshing of Jim’s beer bottle.
“I guess,” he said, taking a swig of his drink.
She paused for a moment, thinking of how to ask, “Well, actually I’d like to tell you something first,” she stopped walking and moved to stand in front of him. His face turned to a mix of concern and intrigue, “My parents are divorced. My dad cheated…and then cheated again,” Jim raised his bottle, seemingly cheering to their shared tragic family life, “but it doesn’t have to-…We don’t have to be so broken,” she said plainly.
“What do you mean?” He asked, his voice sounding more vulnerable. It was a tone she had never heard.
She looked out into the water, digging her hands into the pockets of the jacket, “I’m just saying maybe you talk about things. Keeping it bottled…self-medicating,” she nodded her head to his beer, “Those are temporary fixes. The most temporary,” She pulled the bag from the jacket pocket and held it in her palm.
He gave a weak chuckle, “Y/N, that’s just…you know…we do it but it’s not like-”
“Jim, I really like you. You’re sweet,” he smiled but looked away when she said it, “This shit isn’t helping you. You think it is because it numbs you. But sometimes we gotta feel it. And it sucks but we have to do it so we can heal correctly. Does that make sense?”
He nodded, “But you don’t know what it’s like” he voice raised slightly and his face turned to a grimace.
“Maybe I don’t. Maybe one day you’ll tell me what it’s like?” Her voice was soft and comforting as she stepped closer.
“You should go while you still can,” his voice dropped and he used his free hand to stroke her cheek.
She leaned into his touch, “There is nothing that is broken that cannot be fixed,” she moved his hand from her face, putting the pills in his hand.
He looked down at them, rolling them around with his thumb before he looked up at her hopeful face. It was the same look Medina had given him when she first saw him take them. That look of tragic disappointment. He hated the feeling it gave him to see it. He walked closer to the water, silent as he did, and tossed the bag as far as he could.
When he turned back to Y/N, her arm was outstretched to him, her hand open to him. He took it in his as he rejoined her and they continued their walk. Their lives weren’t very different, they soon learned. Sandy was fucked up in a different way than Y/N’s mother though their fathers seemed to be cut from the same cloth. Jim examined her face as she talked. How animated her eyes were, how wide her smile was when he was privileged enough to see it, how warm and open she was with him, how honest. He thought maybe there was a way back from this. If she could talk him through it, if he could let Medina in on it, there might just be a way through it all.
When they walked back to the group to get their things, Chad tossed another can of beer at Jim.
“I’m good. We’re gonna get out of here,” he said as he tossed it back.
Chad gave him an exaggerated wink, “I see you,”
Jim gave a forced smile, “I’m not sure you do,” He turned back to Y/N who had the folded blanket in her hand, “Ready?”
They walked back to her car, ignoring the catcalls and whistles of the group they were leaving. Jim only squeezed her hand gently and smiled at her when she looked at him.
They drove around a bit, talking about surfing and music and school. When his eyes began to feel heavy, she reached over and brushed his hair back, “Ready to go home, Jimmy?”
He smiled at both the nickname and her tenderness, “Not yet,” He looked over to her and thought about what Medina had said about tribes. And maybe, just maybe, she was meant to be in their Tribe too.
Toad's Cave 