imagine if odin wasn’t a trick ass bitch and thor loki And hela were like actual siblings without all the issues,,,they really would’ve killed thanos Dumbass for fun on like a weekend mission
thor kills thanos for giving his dumbass genocide speech in the middle of the starbucks and holding up the line, while loki and hela post selfies on instagram, the backgrounds of which are All thor mopping the floor with thanos head
so I’ve got this headcanon that Guardians of the Galaxy is really the Avengers playing a table top roleplaying game, where Bucky’s the DM who suffers through heaps and loads of trolling
Mostly from Steve
Especially from Steve
Which means Natasha was the one who sat down and wrote out the long, comprehensive backstory for her kickass space assassin Gamora, that Bucky keeps trying to work into the campaign but they keep getting sidetracked by –
Tony who just created what he sees himself as – the suave, wise-cracking space vagabond.
Thor who needed a lot of help building his character and decided on a couple easy to remember traits (Strong, honor, doesn’t get metaphors)
and Bruce who’s actually too busy to pay full attention so any time Bucky asks what he wants to do he just says “I am Groot” and lets Steve decide
Oh my god.
Headcanon accepted so hard
“We need to break out of this prison. Bucky, do I know anything about it?”
“Roll knowledge, Steve.”
“Seventeen.”
“From your years of experience and multiple prison escapes, you believe that if you can get one of the prison guard’s security bands to get into the watchtower, and one of the power cells to overload the security systems, you should be able to pull off an escape.”
“Perfect. Nat, you have sleight of hand trained, right?”
“Yes I do, Steve.”
“Alright, you get the wristband. Bruce, grab the power cell.”
“Yeah, sure, I am Groot.”
“Even in a board game, boy scout has to give the orders, huh?”
“Alright Tony, what’s-”
“Excuse me, my name Star Lord, thank you.”
“…Alright, Star Lord. What’s your plan?”
“Well…Bucky?”
“Knowledge, Tony.”
“…Four.”
“You’ve never been in prison before, so you have no idea. You think Rocket’s plan makes sense though.”
“Alright, fine. What do you want me to do, Captain Raccoon?”
“Only the most important for you, Space King. Bucky, does anyone in the prison have a robotic arm?”
“I swear if you’re going where I think you’re going with–”
“Okay, leg. Robotic leg, not arm.”
“Yes, there is one guy with a prosthetic leg.”
“Tony I want you to get me that guy’s leg.”
“…Why?”
“Just trust me, we need it for the plan.”
“Bucky, can I sense motive on Rocket?”
“Go ahead.”
“…These dice are weighted.”
“What?”
“What’d you get, Stark?”
“One.”
“Not only do you believe that Rocket needs the leg, you believe it is the single most important part of the plan. Without that leg, everything will fall to pieces.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll get the leg.”
“Perfect. Avengers, let’s get to work.”
“Removing the power cell will set off the alarm, so you believe you should start with–”
“I go remove the power cell.”
“…Bruce, that’s…not a good idea. Like I said, ripping that out will set off the alarm.”
“Right, exactly, sounds like fun. I go to rip it out.”
“But…but I spent all week coming up with persuasion and stealth scenarios for–-”
“This is what, a strength check?”
“…Yes Bruce, it’s a strength check.”
“I got a 20.”
“…You rip out the power cell with a single tug, setting off the alarm and alerting every single guard in the prison to your escape attempt. Roll for initiative, and remember that I hate all of you.”
Toad's Cave 