– midoriya and tokoyami bonding over dnd in the common room
– “Yes. I am a level 12 druid shifter. Dark shadow is a level 6 rogue.”
– “That’s so cool Tokoyami! It’s been a bit since I played, but I’m a level 10 warlock, maybe we could campaign together!”
– Bakugou’s about to call them fucking losers
– but then Kirishima’s like “bro hold my weights” and he just launches into how he used to live for this kind of stuff back in middle school and about how he’s a level 17 dragonborn fighter
– Midoriya and Tokoyami are so utterly taken aback and impressed that they all just start rambling and Bokugou’s just u p s e t
– Todoroki walks in and just sort of…listens? he doesn’t know what Midoriya’s talking about but he sounds enthusiastic and when they make eye contact, Izuku’s eyes just light up and he whispers “half-elf”
– Todoroki is intrigued
– an hour of brainstorming and explaining later and Todoroki’s starting off as a level 1 half-elf sorcerer.
– “His name is Shouto.”
– “Todoroki are you su-”
– “Shouto.”
– Kaminari barges in, “DO YOU NEED A HUMAN BARD”
– followed by Shinsou who reluctantly confesses he’s a level 5 tiefling paladin because of course Kaminari had to get him into it
– Bokugou’s just f e d u p and starts yelling about how stupid dnd is and about how lame this entire conversation is and how he’d never be caught dead playing dnd and Kirishima just sighs and is like;
“Too bad, you would’ve made a pretty cool barbarian.”
“A fucking what.”
– It takes Kirishima an entire hour to explain and convince Bakugou that he can’t just start as a level 20 barbarian goliath. They manage to negotiate it down to level 3.
– Ochako comes back from practice in time for the start of the campaign and she just opens up a stray notebook and it’s got SO MANY notes and weapons and stats and she just levels them with a dangerous glint in her eyes, “level 18 orc, fighter class, when are we starting”
all of his body hair is like this, i make the rules
“Look,” Kaminari whispers, “all I’m saying is that it’s been like three years and we still don’t know.”
“We could just ask him?” Kirishima says back. “Is that weird?”
“Dude, it’s totally weird.”
Sero drapes his arms over their shoulders. “Honestly weirder than trying to spy on him while he’s naked, though?”
The other two deflate.
“No…” Kaminari admits.
“Spying on your bro is not very manly,” Kirishima agrees.
“Well, what about Midoriya? Do you think he knows?” Kaminari asks. From across the room, they hear a high-pitched squeak, which means that Midoriya a) is eavesdropping and b) doesn’t want to be asked. “Hey, Midoriya!”
Midoriya turns around so slowly that it’s possible he’s hoping they’ll all forget he’s there by the time he makes a full rotation. “Y…yes…?”
“Do you know?” Kaminari asks. “If it is or not?”
“If what is… or not…”
“Just, like,” Kirishima says, waving his hands vaguely through the air, “okay you know how Todoroki’s hair, like the hair on his head, is red and white? Like, half and half, down the middle?”
Midoriya nods. “Yes, that’s… that’s what it’s like.”
“Okay, but.” Kaminari pauses for effect. “What about the rest of it?”
Midoriya is beginning to look stressed. “What do you mean?”
“The rest of his hair,” Kirishima explains, “everywhere else. What’s… what’s going on there?”
“I don’t understand the question,” Midoriya says.
Kaminari throws up his hands. “Is it evenly divided down his whole body?!”
“Wh-why are you asking me?” Midoriya splutters.
“You are his best friend,” Sero points out.
“Is that a thing best friends normally know?!”
“His chest hair,” Kaminari clarifies, “his pits. Do the curtains match the drapes?!”
“What does window dressing have to do with any of this?” Midoriya asks. He sounds like he’s near tears.
“His pubes, man,” Kirishima says, dead serious. “Are they half and half, too?”
“His what?!”
“For FUCK’S sake—” Bakugou finally explodes. The others all wince as he punches his locker closed and disappears into the shower area, his yells drifting back out to them. “Todoroki, get the hell out here!”
“Wait—Bakugou—” Kaminari hisses.
“Bakugou, what’s wrong—can I get dressed first—”
“Just cover your dick, Icyhot, so you can shut these idiots up before I have an aneurysm—”
They both appear in the locker room, Bakugou incensed, Todoroki stark naked. He looks confused. Bakugou waves his hands at him in a there you go gesture.
“Oh,” Kaminari says.
“That answers that, then,” Kirishima says.
Todoroki stares at them, still standing there awkwardly, his hands clasped in front of his crotch. He is, it is now revealed, completely symmetrical—half red, half white, split evenly down each side of his body.
“Are you guys arguing about my body hair,” he deadpans.
Toad's Cave 