Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?
I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.
Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.
Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.
I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.
Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.
“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.
MOUNTAIN LODGE
it literally smells like waking up on a cold night to find a bearded richard armitage adding another quilt to the bed before he gets back in and pulls you snugly against his chest
I’m not fucking around I feel like I should be watching chris hemsworth in flannel and suspenders whittling a delicate masterpiece in front of a fireplace rn
All right, Tumblr, I saw this post a few months ago and immediately realized I had to smell this candle. I have never in my life experienced such a burning need (pun intended) to smell what the Yankee Candle website described as a warm aroma of cedarwood and sage, but what Tumblr described as my new boyfriend.
The trouble is that nearest Yankee Candle Company store was a bit of a trek, and my schedule tended to prohibit this olfactory adventure.
So for the last few weeks, as I’d scroll my Tumblr dash and look at images of attractive manly men, I’d sigh and wistfully think, if only I could engage another sense with this image. If only I could I could truly fathom the ideal fragrance of this man.
And then this happened.
And I knew.
I knew whatever was happening, I needed to get to a Yankee Candle Company. The scent of Mountain Lodge would transport me instantly to this scene. The aroma of this infamous candle could make me live out a self-insertion Avengers fanfic.
So I got in my car, made the drive, and located the Yankee Candle Company. The store was crowded with holiday shoppers. My nose was immediately assaulted by hundreds of warring scents.
I battled through the sea of humanity and the Angel Wings-Merry Marshmallow-Magical Frosted Forest assault, buoyed on by my need to understand what Steve Rogers ripping a log in half with his bare hands smelled like.
I waded toward the back of the store, only to discover the man candle section seems to have been discontinued. What was I going to steady myself on, once I found my scented gateway to hanging out with the Avengers on Hawkeye’s farm? I felt lost, adrift, unable to find my bearings amid Soft Blanket-Fluffy Towels-Home Sweet Home.
And then… rising from the “Fresh” display, there it was.
Mountain Lodge.
It was the moment of truth. What would it be like to smell this infamous candle?
I opened the lid. I took a deep breath.
And I giggled.
Ah yes. This was it. This gentle, pleasantly masculine fragrance, in fact, reduced me to what I’d probably do in the actual presence of Chris Evans: giggle like an idiot.
The smell makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me gently swoon: all reactions that, indeed, can be elicited by an ideal man. I can barely handle the true power of Mountain Lodge.
Several months have passed since this discovery. I have regaled friends with the saga, and after hearing of it, they, too, felt the burning need to smell the candle. One by one, we have all become Mountain Lodge converts.
In times of need, this candle is our refuge. Our group has developed escapist superpowers, infused by the Yankee Candle Company.
THE CANDLE, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.
MOUNTAIN LODGE.
This is how you do advertisement
we love everything about all of this. We will always be there for you, just light your Mountain Lodge candle and know that our love burns bright for you.
The official Yankee Candle™ tumblr account has recognized the Mountain Lodge mythos. My work on the material plane is finally complete. A being of pure light, I slowly ascend to the aether.
@sashafoxx also if you go to @theyankeecandle ’s page, people ask about Mountain Lodge all the time. I don’t think it’s going anywhere anytime soon.
He is so ridiculously and effortlessly and naturally sexy in this shoot. It’s fucking painful.
@siren-kitten-his I can’t disagree. This was always my favourite shoot, and these newly released pics just reinforce that. I don’t think he’s even trying either!
This one and the dirty truck stop hooker are my favorites and the Esquire shoot where he just oozes Professor Evans. @katiew1973
Ohhh, the Details shoot. Always love to see a bit of half-naked Chris on my dash!
The 2016 InStyle is another favourite.
The
I have all of those I just didn’t realize they went all together @katiew1973. I also have this one solo picture but not the rest. I know it’s from a photo shoot for a magazine but I’m not sure which one
Anyone?
It’s something to do with Rock the Vote, and something tells me 2008, but I’m not sure of what year.
The thing about this photoset is that Evans is a passive subject for the camera.
Most photos of a beefy blonde male have him staring aggressively. You know the type I mean – stance wide and shoulders spread, eyes lit with challenge, as if he’s about to punch or fuck the camera man. This set is the exact opposite. Evans glances away from the camera like a Victoria’s Secret model, or else peeks from behind a shirt like he’s asking for approval. The photos where he’s on his knees have his spine curved to show off his slender waist, elbows in to show submission. Heck, in one picture the curve of his torso mirrors the curve of the lady on the poster in the background.
Some photographer, when deciding to work with Evans, decided to shoot him in a way that women are often portrayed, instead of the traditional machismo alpha male bullshit. Thank you, photographer. Tumblr is grateful.
Oh wow someone added smart meta to this photoshoot. That means I can constantly reblog it without shame.
Always reblog.
always reblog. and i’ll be in my bunk.
it’s a simple fact of life that no matter how nice your boobs are, Chris Evans’ will always be nicer, bouncier, and more squeezable.
The thing about this photoset is that Evans is a passive subject for the camera.
Most photos of a beefy blonde male have him staring aggressively. You know the type I mean – stance wide and shoulders spread, eyes lit with challenge, as if he’s about to punch or fuck the camera man. This set is the exact opposite. Evans glances away from the camera like a Victoria’s Secret model, or else peeks from behind a shirt like he’s asking for approval. The photos where he’s on his knees have his spine curved to show off his slender waist, elbows in to show submission. Heck, in one picture the curve of his torso mirrors the curve of the lady on the poster in the background.
Some photographer, when deciding to work with Evans, decided to shoot him in a way that women are often portrayed, instead of the traditional machismo alpha male bullshit. Thank you, photographer. Tumblr is grateful.
Oh wow someone added smart meta to this photoshoot. That means I can constantly reblog it without shame.
Always reblog.
always reblog. and i’ll be in my bunk.
the new shield is cool as hell but Cap ain’t gonna have any clue what to do with that thing
he’s going to try Frisbee-ing some alien in the face and have the biggest marvel fail since The Incredible Hulk
Toad's Cave 