Peter, on the phone with Tony: No, no, dad, everything’s running smoothly, here, Harley, tell him everything’s fine.
Harley: *takes the phone* We haven’t eaten in days. We ran out of toothpaste. I’m dropping out of school. ‘kay, love you, bye!
Tag: Harley
Honest question: I have seen a lot of posts about Peter being jealous and feeling replaced by Harley, but really? No one else sees Peter having the hugest crush on the tough, confident, and slightly older Harley? I mean he is smart and snarky, like a mini Tony not to put too fine a point on it. 😉
Am I alone in building rivals to soft, cuddly boyfriend stories around the two, full of mutual pining and teen angst?
All jokes aside though Peter meeting Harley at some point would be so fucking funny like he probably spent months trying to figure out whether he was annoying Tony with his texts only to find out that some little asshole down in Tennessee has been
sporadically
tagging Tony in facebook shitposts over a three-year period and when he finds them he’s like “Mr Stark not to be rude but what the actual fuck”
And Harley’s just like “Yo, Tony, can you gimme a beer?” And Peter’s just freaking out and Tony says no (bc Responsible Adult™) but gives him a monster drink which Harley mixes with coffee, and Peter’s just like “he-he calls you Tony?” And Tony’s just like “on a day when he feels respectful yeah why” and then Peter’s just like “gimme a second” and he goes down to the lab and just shrieks
Peter: Have you ever noticed that neither of us look anything like anyone else in this family?
Harley: We’re adopted.
Peter: Well yeah, but still.
All jokes aside though Peter meeting Harley at some point would be so fucking funny like he probably spent months trying to figure out whether he was annoying Tony with his texts only to find out that some little asshole down in Tennessee has been
sporadically
tagging Tony in facebook shitposts over a three-year period and when he finds them he’s like “Mr Stark not to be rude but what the actual fuck”
Tony is so proud of his manipulative sons.
Lil Harley, who can and will talk you around any topic until you end agreeing to whatever he wants, And Peter who will just flash a pout with a trembling lip and you will trip over yourself to do anything he wants.
But can you imagine it tho-
Imagine Tony doing ridiculous bets with Harley about Harley getting people to do stuff for him like: once Harley convinced Happy to drive to every Burguer King in Manhattan just to compare their fries and see if they really taste the same. Or that time when Harley got Rhodey to be his moving target for his new potato gun. Tony loses every fucking time because holy shit that kid can even talk around Pepper! Pepper of-course-I’m-not-going-to-pretend-to-be-your-mother-Harley-thats-insane-and-illegal-and-wait-is-this-for-an-extra-class?-Aw-sure-honey-let-me-sign-it-for-you-Pepper who is immune to every BS Tony ever said to her!
And Peter pout face, don’t let him do his kicked puppy eyes to you or you are doomed to spend an entire evening doing the most random things from fixing Ned’s Death Star Lego because “it was already done Mr Stark and it was my fault that Ned had to start everything all over again!” to watch all his supposed to be secret videos that he totally should NOT BE RECORDING WHAT THE HELL PETER- Wait is that you kicking Cap’s ass? Good job Kid
Just- Gimme Dad!Tony being a dork and happy with his adopted science kids okay *sobs*
I love this so much, holy shit.
Tony Stark about Peter and Harley: My kids are pure innocent small rays of sunshine that must be protected at all time.
Tony: Except for Harley, Harley needs no protection.
Tony: He is ruthless, he will destroy you.
Tony: He will burn everything you love and innocently and sweetly smile down at you while your life falls to pieces around your kneeling form.
Tony:…
Tony: but Peter is pure and innocent, truly the sweetest kid on NY
Toad's Cave 