The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
Warren birb: forcing Warren to watch all the Harry Potter movies with you (he surely wouldn’t admit to reading the books but he does at night in secret when he thinks you’re fast asleep) And one day skipping up to him happily with your hands behind your back and gesturing for him to lean down and wrapping a bright Hufflepuff scarf around his neck and he’s looking at you like your crazy “Hufflepuff? ME?” he points to his leather clad self “You’re just a big soft loveable bird and you know it” and squishing his cheeks together.
Kitty Kurt Wagner: lending Kurt your Harry Potter books to read and him just adoring them and as soon as it starts to be cold weather you surprise him by wrapping a long Hufflepuff scarf around his neck and kissing his nose with snow falling around you
Peter Maximoffer: Peter seeing both Kurt and Warren with their new scarves and wondering where his is? he knows you love Harry Potter and he even got a pair of prescription glasses just like Harry’s. He doesn’t have to wait long when you come up behind him tying a Gryffindor scarf around his neck and he’s confused he didn’t get Hufflepuff too? he’s almost Kurt level kind? “For my brave and bold mutant boyfriend” and kiss his lips
What if instead of gilly weed Harry had showed up to the black lake challenge in muggle scuba gear like “like where’s your advanced magic now bitches? Got me a free fishing knife with this thing”
Honestly I just want an AU where Harry approached all his magical problems with muggle solutions. Nobody knows how to handle it because he’s supposed to be there learning magic but you know what, it fucking works.
Give me Harry Potter who is like fucking MacGuyver up in this shit, creating his own non-magical solutions to magical problems.
“Potter how did you get past the enchanted keys to the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
“I used a fucking net.”
“How did you get past the dragon?”
Harry shines a little red light on the wall “works on cats, why not a dragon”
“How did you get through the hedge maze?”
“Weed-b-gone, it’s like a pound. Nothing will ever grow there again”
It’s the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. The Dark Lord begins to prepare a spell to end Harry Potter’s life once and for all when….
I know it has been talked about before but I want to talk about wizarding tattoos and piercing again. Here’s just a couple ideas.
A tongue ring that you wear to ward off minor hexes and jinxes.
A Tattoo of a tree where the leaves change depending on the season.
A pair of matching tattoos of a piece of parchment that can be wrote on to send messages.
You see this dagger I have tattooed on my calf? It comes off into my hand as a real weapon when I’m in danger.
A little dragon that flies around your left forearm.
A pin-up witch that winks and waves at you.
A tattoo that starts off as a rune but once you fall asleep and wake up in changes into something that is similar to your patronus, something that symbolizes who you are.
A tattoo on somebodies wrist that warms up and changes color when they need to take their medications.
Ear piercings that translate everything around you into your native language.
Lip piercing that do the same, except when you speak you speak the language of whoever you’re speaking to.
A small bird tattoo behind your ear that chirps and whistles to you when you’re anxious.
A tattoo of your child that ages with them.
A tattoo for those that are hard of hearing or deaf and are unable to read lips at that moment that displays the words of the person speaking to them on their hand.
A nose ring that is charmed that long as you are wearing it you will never lose your keys.
A flower scene where some flowers only will bloom at certain times.
little nocturnal animal tattoos like raccoons that only show up on your skin after dark.
a tattoo of digital numbers on your wrist that tell the time.
Magical tattoos and piercings!!!
yes yes yES YES
If I’d been accepted into Hogwarts I’m 98% sure that all of my time would be with detention because of all the shenanigans my cat causes
I’m dying right now because Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is out and I’ve never been able to read all the books
Toad's Cave 