When Medina had called her and explained what had happened to Jim, why he was in a rehabilitation center, how he had been so out of it he didn’t even know his own name when they had found him; she had felt like she had just been hit in the gut. She felt the air leave her lungs and her heart stop.
She had known Jim was struggling, with family issues, with himself, with pills. She knew. She had been beside him the entire time try to help him, trying to reach out and be there for him as much as she possibly could. She stayed up all night with him sometimes, to help him sober up, or just to be there with him. To lay next to him. To hold his hand. To let him know everything was going to be okay. To let him know he was safe. Loved.
She knew it wasn’t easy for an addict to just stop. Especially without help. She didn’t condone or agree with what Jim had been doing, but she understood why he was doing. Jim, being the selfless soul that he is, did not like to ask for help. He did not admit to her how bad his addiction had become. He had told her only needed to take them on bad days. But everyday, if he was not with her, it seemed to be a bad day at the Mason household.
She had asked him many times to come stay with her. To live with her. They could work out some arrangement. He would be okay. In safe environment and he wouldn’t need his happy pills. He would have her, even more than he already did. He wouldn’t have to worry about yelling parents or hostility. He would be okay there.
But he never agreed. She could see the slight want-to in his eyes but knew his mother would never allow it. And Medina needed him. So she never pressed it. She stopped bringing it up, in hopes that one day he would just bring it up himself knowing that the invitation still, and would ever, be there.
So, she supported him and helped him in other ways. Any way that she could without pressing too much in to the matter.
Deep down inside of her she felt as if she were doing something wrong. Maybe she should of pressed more. Maybe she was not doing everything she could for him. She would walk through rain and fire for him and yet she didn’t feel she was doing enough.
He had always told her how grateful he was, for her, that she entered his life. She had been the only thing, besides Medina, that kept him sane, made him happy. He had told her over and over again that she was doing everything and more for him, that she was perfect. His perfect girl.
But she wondered if that were true as she stood in the doorway of his room.
Medina was by his side. Crouched down and talking softly to him. His body looked so small curled up on the single bed. It brought tears to her eyes. She had seen his good and his bad, and now she was seeing his worst. And as much as it hurt her, made her heart ache to see him like this, she would never shy away from him, from this. She would be there, present. By his side. Always.
Medina stood up as she noticed her, giving her a small smile. “Jim,” she spoke softly. “Someone’s here to see you.” She gave him a sweet smile.
Jim slowly turned, leaning up a bit to look over his shoulder. His lips turning up into a smile as he saw her.
She couldn’t help the tears that fell down her cheek as she smiled and walked over to the bed, taking the spot that Medina had just been occupying.
“I’ll let you two have a moment.” Medina said sweetly as made her way out of the room.
He looked different. Still like her Jim, but less of himself. His eyes were glossy and clouded. His expressions were soft and tender, yet he looked weak. She had never seen him like this. A shell of himself. It broke her heart.
She didn’t know what to say. Words had lost her. She imagined that once she saw him she wouldn’t be able to shut up from how worried she was, how grateful she was that he was alright. But no words came. Only tears.
Jim’s soft smile didn’t fade as he reached up to wipe a stray tear on her cheek. “You didn’t have to come.” His voice was low and soft. “You don’t have to stay.” He knew how hard this must be for her, for everyone. To see him like this. It was hard to see himself like this. To know he was the reason why he was in this mess. Why she was in this mess along side him. He couldn’t imagine all the emotions she was feeling. If the places had been switched he knows he would feel horrible. To see someone you love like this, in their worst state. He knew she was strong. Stronger than him. He loved that about her. But he didn’t know if she was this strong. To be here with him. He didn’t want to doubt her. He never would. But situations like this tested strength and love. She had always been there for him though, at his worst times. He was grateful she was here now even if he felt a bit of embarrassment and guilt for putting her through this. He had tried to be strong for her. For everyone. But especially her. She was so strong for him, she deserved that back.
He knew she never held him up to any standards or expectations. She loved him for him. Every silly, goofy, messed up part of him she loved. She supported him. Loved him. There was no guessing. No questioning. She had made him feel more love than both his parents had in the last year.
“Of course I had to come!” She smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I had to make sure you were okay.”
He grabs her hand, lacing their fingers. “I’m okay.” His voice breaks a little, “Medina’s here,” he smiles. “And you’re here.”
“I’m always here.” She reassures. And he knows she is. Always. If he called her at 3 am just to talk, or if he needed to kiss her, she would wake up and come to him without question.
“I know.” He feels the tears run down his cheek before he can attempt to stop them. She’s seen him at his most vulnerable, but he wishes she wasn’t seeing him like this. She deserved better than this.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?” She asks again. Needing reassurance herself to make sure he was really alright.
He laughs softly. “I’m fine. I have everything I need, right here.” He runs his index finger across her knuckle.
She nods with a smile. Trying not to burst into tears. She knows he wouldn’t care. He would even hold her. The roles would switch and he would be the one there for her. But she needed to be strong for him. No more tears. Not right now.
“Lay with me?” He asks shyly, and the request almost makes her burst, into tears, into so many different emotions that were flooding her body.
She doesn’t hesitate to nod and gently climb in next to him as he moves over to make room for her. Their hands find each other’s and for a few seconds they just stare at each other. A calming silence coming over them. The only noise in the room coming from outside of it.
Jim is the first one to break the silence, soft whisper of “I’m sorry” falling from his lips. “I should of…” he swallows back tears. “I should of called you. Should of came to you. I was just so–“
“Shh.” She stops him. She places her hand on his cheek, wiping away the falling tears. She speaks softly. “We don’t need to talk about it. You’re here. You’re okay. That’s all that matters to me.” She can feel the tears burning her eyes, threatening to pool over. She meant it. She didn’t want him to be sorry. She knew he was, but she would never hold this against him, any of it. She didn’t want to know the details of what happened. She didn’t want him to remember. To think about it. She wanted him to recover. To forget. She wanted him to know that he was better than this mistake. He was going to conquer it and be stronger. Happier.
“You’re safe.” She smiles softly. “You’re alive. You’re going to get better. You will get better. I’ll be here to help you, Medina too. We have you. Always.”
He nods, mustering up a weak smile through his tears. “Always.” he repeats softly before he presses a gentle kiss to her lips.
She knew Jim’s home situation was not the best. In fact, it wasn’t good at all. It made her heart ache each time they would have to say goodbye and he went home, the two knowing neither of them wanted him to go, or to be in that house, in that toxic environment. And if it wasn’t for Medina she doesn’t think she would let him go back.
Jim never really got into the full situation as to why his mother acted the way she did. It was too much of a sensitive topic for him. But she knew enough to know that his mother wasn’t doing any good for him. Though, she didn’t feel it was her place to say something about it. She didn’t want to anger Jim or make him upset.
And she could see the look of anguish and resistance on Jim’s face each time he the subject was brought up or he had to say goodbye.
They both knew there would be a time when he could stay. He wouldn’t have to leave and go back to a house he would rather not be at. And that thought alone made the goodbyes a little easier.
But when she hadn’t heard from Jim in a few days she became a little more than worried. They saw each other everyday, even if it was for a few seconds, or even a phone call. The two were always together or otherwise talking. But, she hadn’t received a call, or text in the last three days and if she wasn’t afraid of the consequences she might receive from Jim’s mother, she would have went over to his house to check on him.
She did her best to convince herself that he was probably busy. People get busy. Maybe him and Medina went on that surfing trip he was raving about. Or maybe he was hanging out with some of his friends. Just because she was his girlfriend didn’t mean he had to spend every waking minute with her, she knew that. She didn’t expect it. But even if he was busy or didn’t feel up to hanging out he would always let her know.
She tried to stop the horrible ‘what if’s’ that ran through her mind. It being easier said than done as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She turned to look at the clock that sat on her bedside table, sighing at the flashing red 12:00 am. She hadn’t gotten a good nights sleep for the past few days. Her mind too busy. She wished she could turn her it off, at least the negative thoughts. They were not helping the situation.
Her mind was a mess. Words, thoughts, and worries echoed through her head. So much so that she didn’t hear the gentle taps at her window until it was being opened and a dark figure was entering through it.
She quickly snapped out of bed, her fight or flight mode kicking in, her mind going to all of those murder break in shows she’s impulsively watched on tv making her wonder what she could possibly use in her room as a weapon, as she scrambled to the other side of her room, quickly flicking on her bedroom light.
“Shit.” The figure cursed as their foot caught on the window sill and sent them tumbling to the floor.
Once her eyes adjusted to the light change she noted the blue jacket and it didn’t take her long to realize who the perpetrator was.
“Jim?”
He cursed again as he struggled to get his footing. Once he did his eyes met hers. “Hi, babe.” He smiled widely as if he didn’t just give her a heart attack. He pulled himself from the floor, brushing himself off and fixing his jacket.
“What are you doing here?” She sighed in relief, feeling only slightly annoyed from being scared half to death. “I almost hurt you!”
“With that brush?” Jim pointed out with a laugh. She had grabbed the first thing she could find within the dark, not realizing exactly what she had grabbed until the lights were now on.
“It was the first thing I grabbed, it’s dark!” She laughed softly. “This isn’t funny! You really scared me!”
He frowns and walks to her, his arms open to take her within them, wrapping them around her waist once he’s reached her. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I needed to see you.”
She smiles and wraps her arms around his neck. Pressing her forehead to his as she closes her eyes, her heart rate coming back down as she breathes slowly. Taking in the moment, his words, his presence, his scent. “I’ve missed you.”
“I know.” He sighs. “And I’m sorry. My mom she was..” He swallows, hesitating. She opens her eyes to look up at him, his face contoured with a mix of sadness and frustration. She gives him an understanding nod.
They didn’t need to talk about it.
“It feels like I haven’t seen you in so long,” she changes the subject. Smiling up at him as she plays with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“You saw me three days ago.” He says as if that’s not a century’s time to her.
“Yes, but I need you.” She pouts. “Need to see you everyday, or at least hear from you.”
He laughs softly when her bottom lip pokes out in a pout. He cups her cheek in his hand, his thumb coming to sit below her lip. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you for that long again. I promise.” He smiles and presses a soft kiss to her lips.
She believes him and he means it. He didn’t mean to do it this time. She understood though, how his mom is, how his life is an utter mess right now. The only thing bringing him any kind of solace being her. She was the rock that kept him in his place, kept him steady.
His lips trail from hers to her neck, peppering hot kisses along her exposed skin. “I’ll make it up to you.” His breath is hot against her neck as he speak, his hands already skating down her body. A breathless moan is all she can get out before his hands come to the back of her thighs lifting her, her legs wrapping around his waist as their kisses deepen, becoming more hungry, craving. Each kiss a symbolism of how much they missed the other.
Her back makes contact with the surface of her bed as Jim gently places her on it, his body hovering over hers. He wastes no time in removing her shirt, leaving her in her panties and her chest exposed. His lips coming back to her neck as he sucks and nips at the sensitive skin, knowing all the places that make her moan and push her body up into his, her hips rolling up involuntary, looking for any kind of contact.
His finger tips run down her side, leaving paths of electricity in their wake. Her body needy for more, needing to feel the warmth of his skin on hers, needing to feel the pleasuring burn of him entering her.
His fingers come to a stop at her panties. Pushing themselves past the lace material, his thumb skating over her clit, eliciting a loud moan from her lips, her body arching off of the bed, her hands gripping at his sides. He knew all the places to touch her. All the ways she liked her body touched, played with. He knew her inside and out and it wouldn’t take long for him to have her coming for him.
“I want you to show me how much you missed me.” He whispers against her lips. “Show me how much you missed my lips,” he kisses. “Show me how much you missed my fingers.” His thumb rubs a slow circle against her clit. Breathy moans and needy breaths coming from her in heavy puffs against his lips. “Show me how much you missed me fucking you.” His voice is deep and gruff.
The only thing on his mind being to make her come. Whether that be with his fingers, his mouth, or his dick. He was going to make everything up to her, even if it took him all night.
—
a/n: this started out cute and fluffy so i had to make it end incredibly dirty because that’s the kind of person I am lmaoo i hope you don’t mind!
Jim sat up as he saw her come back from the kitchen with two mugs of hot chocolate. He was warm enough sitting by the fire but Y/N was still a bit chilly. They had decided to head for colder weather before making their way to the sand and surf he wanted to chase. He moved back to lean against the sofa as she sat between his legs, handing him his mug, and pulling a blanket over their laps.
“I know it’s a bit colder than you like but this is nice,” she said as she leaned her head back against his chest.
He agreed, “Change of pace is always good,”
He was recovering now and he was doing well and was proud of the progress he made. He was proud of the love he found in Y/N and the life they were taking steps to build together.
They sat in silence and watched the fireplace crackle. He wrapped his arms around her and held her firmly to him, content when she began to lazily drag her nails up and down his forearm. It was oddly soothing, just like everything else she did.
“Tell me two true things,” she said low as she rolled her head to the side to look up at him.
He smiled at her. She had made him repeat this at least once a day since he had left the rehab facility, “One. You love me,” she nodded against him, smiling and reaching up to kiss his jaw, “Two. I am safe here.”
She snuggled back into him, “Very good,”
They sat wrapped in each other’s warmth, watching the fire, enjoying the sight of snow and one another. They were only there for a few solitary days before they made their next move towards forever. It was a forever Jim couldn’t wait to get started.
**This is short but I needed a better fucking ending than that heartbreaking film gave me**
Jim had stumbled up to her door. His pupils were blown to the size of saucers and sweating profusely. She opened the door before he even had the opportunity to knock. She heard him knock over a few potted plants on his attempt to climb the stairs.
“Jim,” she sighed as she caught him in her arms, “What are you-“
He just kept shaking his head as she brought him to her bedroom. He sat on her bed, running his hands through his hair as he began to cry. She removed his jacket and turned on the air conditioner.
“Jim, what happened? Talk to me,” she said as she took a damp towel to his face. He pushed her hand away, laying his head against her stomach as his tears poured onto her shirt, “You’re scaring me. Please tell me. Let me help you,”
“Medina’s gone. I think she’s gone for good,” he said hysterically.
She stroked his hair and stumbled as he pulled her even closer, “She would never leave you, Jim, ever. You know that. She’s out but she’s not gone,”
Jim moved back, wiping his face harshly against the sleeve of his jacket, “I need to find her,” he attempted to stand but Y/N pushed him back down.
“Stay with me,” she pleaded, “Stay with me and we’ll find her together, yeah?” She knelt in front of him, continuously stroking his hair in the way she know soothed him. He nodded and laid his head against the pillow. She moved his feet onto the bed and took his shoes off. She continued to wipe his face of the sweat that seemed to come from everywhere.
“I’m just tired. So fucking tired,” he mumbled, his eyes closed as she sat beside him, stroking his cheek. She laid her head on his chest, wiping her tears so none fell to his shirt, as he placed a hand lazily on her head.
After Jim’s drug-induced psychotic break, he was committed to a facility. The day he was committed Medina went to see him, forcing her parents to let Y/N see him one last time before his access to visitors was more restricted. She had gone to see him whenever he was allowed visitors. He had a few setbacks. There was a lot to work through, a lot to unpack. He was going to stay with her and her family when he got out. That’s not the only reason she was there, bouncing her leg incessantly as she waited for him to come out of the building. She would have been there either way. She knew the boy he was before this, all wide-eyed and full of hope. They had both bonded over their love of the ocean. Medina loved her for Jim and had factored her into their dream trip to Bali. Of course, that all had to wait now. Now, she just wanted to see him.
“Y/N, I think that’s him,” Medina turned back to look at her, smiling, beaming with joy at the sight of her twin.
As Jim left the facility with his parents behind him, he perked up at the sight of his two favorite girls. Y/N hung back as Medina ran to him, jumping on her brother, who stumbled back, not expecting the reaction he received. Y/N hadn’t realized she was shedding any tears until one salty drop fell to her lips. He looked so good. There was color in his face, his cheeks were plump, she could see the beautiful blue of his eyes. The color of the ocean they all loved so much.
Jim approached her, silently, cautiously. He raised his hands to cup her face and wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. He leaned his forehead against hers and they stood there in silence, taking in the scent of each other.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
She choked on her words as she continued to cry, “Don’t do that again. Never again,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair just the way he liked.
“Never again,” he smiled as he placed a lingering kiss to her lips, “Can we go?” He took her hand and looked back for Medina who came to their side.
“Home?” Medina asked.
Jim shook his head, “To the water first,” he said as he put his arm around Y/N’s shoulder and she threaded her fingers through his hand.
Medina and Y/N smiled at each other. It was going to be okay. They were all going to be okay.
They had a lot to celebrate. Their anniversary. His sobriety. Life. He deserved it after the hell that was his life the past year. Y/N’s parents were always incredibly supportive and loved Jim but more than once they reminded her that she wasn’t obligated to care for him. She argued otherwise. When you love someone, really love them, it’s not an obligation.
“Where are we going?” He asked from the passenger’s seat. The wind from the open window was blowing his hair back and Y/N smiled at how young he looked. She put her finger to her lips and shook her head, looking back to the road. “Tell me”
“It’s a surprise, Jim. Can’t you let me surprise you?” She asked, pushing the hair from her face as she drove. He huffed and mumbled something about hating surprises. She knew that was a lie. She loved to surprise him with little tokens of her love. Simple things that he always loved. Surfing gear, books about the best surf spots, simple notes of her love. He ate it all up. He lived for her love and the safety that surrounded him when he was with her.
She pulled into the parking lot of a hotel. It wasn’t the Ritz but it was nice. She had save quit a bit to afford something nice in their area. When she put the car in park, she turned to him with a beaming smile, “Okay, ready?”
“I didn’t pack a bag,” he laughed, turning to look at the massive hotel.
Y/N shook her head, “Medina did. It’s in the trunk,”
“ You two were plotting?” He shook his head, smiling. His face began to hurt from how much he was smiling but he couldn’t stop. She loved him so hard and between her and Medina, he felt like maybe it would all work out.
They went inside and Y/N handled everything. She came back and dangled the keys in excitement. When they stepped inside the large room, he looked to the large bed that had two swans made from towels.
Y/N shrugged when he looked to her, “I told them it was our anniversary. That must be their definition of romantic,” she tossed her bag to the side and plopped down on the bed.
“I’ll be just a minute,” he smiled tightly and retreated to the bathroom.
Y/N laid back amongst the numerous pillows and sighed contently. To have a night where he can be free, that’s all she wanted. She waited a few minutes, not hearing movement from the bathroom and tried to calm herself. He was fine. They were fine. He was using the bathroom. She heard the sink turn on and run for what she thought was an abnormal amount of time but again she tried not to let her mind panic. By the time she went to the bathroom and knocked, she was afraid she already waited too long.
“Jim,” she rapped her knuckles against the door, “You okay?”
His voice cracked as he spoke, “Fine,”
She jiggled the door handle to find it locked and her voice became a bit more panicked, “Please open the door,” she waited a beat, “Jim, please open the door” She heard the lock click and when she opened the door he looked at her through the mirror. His eyes were red and he took some water to wipe down his face.
“I’m okay,” he reassured her.
She moved to his side, pulling him by his arm to look at her, “Why are you upset?”
“Not upset,” he shook his head, “Overwhelmed, maybe.”
She ran her fingers through her hair, “Was it me? Should we go home?”
His eyes went wide and he realized the error in his words, “No. I love it. I want to stay,” He ran his hands gently up her neck before cupping her face, “Overwhelmed by how much you love me,”
“I just want to show you,” she placed her hands over his.
He nodded slowly, leaning down to kiss her but instead ghosting his lips over hers. She wiped the tears that fell on his cheeks before she joined their lips. They moved together slowly, like they were kissing for the first time. They explored each other’s mouths while their hands explored their bodies. It certainly wasn’t the first time but somehow it felt like it was. He walked her backwards until she felt the wall behind her. Jim lifted her arms and she obeyed. He pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it behind him as she removed her own jeans. She moved her hands to his own, unbuttoning and pulling them down. He kicked them aside, removing his shirt before lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he held her against the wall as they continued to move against each other slowly.
He held onto her thighs tightly as he walked them to the bed. He placed her down gently among the soft sheets, pulling back only to take in her body and how she looked in front of him. She maintained eye contact as she removed her bra, moving her legs out from under him so she could toss her underwear to the side. She brought her legs back to either side of where he knelt in front of her, open and ready for him to take her.
Jim groaned as he removed his own briefs, coming down to worship her body. There wasn’t an inch of her skin that his mouth didn’t meet. She threaded her hands through his hair and tugged until he looked up at her.
“Jim,” she sighed, “I need you,”
He knew what she was asking. He flipped them over so she was on top. She kissed up his chest, sucking on his neck as he kneaded the skin on her hips. He sat up so they were now chest-to-chest. Y/N raised herself over him and watched his face as she sank down on him. He bit down on his lip as she did. They moved together, slow, taking their time with each other. She leaned back as he moved his head to run his tongue along her breast. When he looked back up at her, his eyes were glassy once again.
She cupped his face in her hands, leaning her forehead against his as they moved together, “Jim, I love-“ the feeling of him, of them together stole the words from her mouth.
“I love,” he smiled back at her, tears shedding unashamedly. She felt them against her cheeks as she kissed him deeply, tugging on his hair to make him moan into her mouth. He was safe here, with her. That much he knew. “I love,” he whispered.
Toad's Cave 