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You buy a coffin for your coffee table at a yard sale without looking inside, no one would actually sell a used coffin or dead body you figure.

A few weeks later during your biweekly get together with a few neighborhood acquaintances over for fondue you set your wine glass down a little too loudly and wake up a now very cranky vampire.

You’re now stuck with a vampire housemate because that’s the comfiest bed he’s had in 300+ years and he’ll be blessed by a priest before he moves out and you wont let it leave because it looks stunning in your living room

At the next neighborhood get together he stands glaring out from the kitchen directly at your newest neighbor Jacqueline "If that woman gets cup rings on my coffin I’m killing her.“

You take another bottle of wine from the cabinet "If she does then I’ll help you”

Valentine’s Musashi 634

-He was ecstatic to have valentine chocolates to share you with

-Buuut it melted as soon as he grabbed one

-Musashi was sad and near pouted

-You have to feed him the chocolates

-he’ll most likely capture your fingers between his lips each time you give him one and tilting his head cutely if you make a noise

-He always guesses the flavor correctly, he just knows

-Gets cheeky when you hand feed him each piece and makes sure to lick your fingers before you pull away (so he doesn’t miss any of course)

-more than happy to help kiss off any chocolate left on your lips

-he will oblige with anything you want to do on Valentine’s, even if you like sappy hallmark movies. he wants you to be happy

-Musashi’s ideal way to spend the day would be in bed though, laying comfortably tangled in the blankets with you for hours on end, sharing soft kisses and short conversations with you wrapped in his arms, snug against his chest

-Loves reading to you while snuggled up together

-No matter what you do, Musashi is happy to be by your side, he never thought he would have anyone that loved him and is grateful to spend the day with you

-Not that he doesn’t show you every day just how much he loves you, he makes sure he does

-Musashi’s always had a knack for poetry and ups the cheesy and sappiness until you cringe, but its sweet

-He’s going to be attacking you with kisses all day

-(Bonus: no matter the day, Musashi bumps into things on purpose when you’re around and whines until you ‘kiss it better’)

Pie for Two

Pie. Cherry pie. Cherry pie, Dutch apple pie, blueberry pie, pecan pie, and a glorious, glistening, piled high strawberry cheesecake pie.
Accompanied by a slap upside the head when someone, said that isn’t a real pie.

Today was a day of celebration and pie. And a few dollar store balloons just to be funny.

Dean had already flipped off Crowley when he tried to ‘be of help’ that morning. Annoying demons, pesky angels and the impending apocalypse can shove it for another day.

You and Dean had taken residence on the worn couch in Rufus’s cabin as soon as you returned from the closest convenience store, the cluttered chest cleared off then covered in pies and the small tv playing something besides porn for once.

“Get your cake loving ass away from my pie Sammy.” Dean glared and hugged the pie tin to his chest when said Moose tried to snatch a piece

Our pie.” you correct him, and take one of the pies.

Sam let out a huff “You two have four pies, you can’t give me one slice?”

Both you and Dean look up at him, mouths stuffed with pie “No.”

“And it’s five pies.” Dean adds

Sam rolls his eyes and sits at the chair near the chest “You bought five pies and didn’t even pick up a cake so I could have anything. Nice.” he pouts, glancing at the pies

Serving yourself another piece of pie and you can’t help but feel offended by Sam. “You’re a disgrace. An utter disgrace.”

Dean nodded, swallowing his pie “I told you, he’s horrible. What kind of monster compares cake to pie.”

Sam yelped when you smacked his hand with a fork for trying to sneak a slice of pie.

“You know, you’re both horrible. I get you birthday balloons and you wont even let me have one piece of stupid pie.”

“Pie isn’t stupid, you are.” Dean stuck his tongue out when Sam rolled his eyes.

Walking towards the door Sam grabbed his jacket and turned back to the pair sitting happily with the pies “I’m going out.” he declared “And I’m going to have a healthy and delicious salad cup, and have a slice of cake too. So I hope you enjoy your precious pies!” he sneers and slams the door shut in a unhappy moose fashion.

“Welp, more pies for us.” Dean said while sliding another onto his plate.

“He forgot his wallet.” you noted as the sound of the Impala got further from the cabin.

Happy Birthday to the beautiful and beloved @adarkroomandawallflower, may she have plentiful pie & Deans

Refer to creature pictured above: this thing looks fluffy, and like the head would be soft peach fuzz velvet.

And on the other side of the toe beans its super fluffy moth fluffy but in cloud length.

15 foot tall creature, looming over you when you ventured into the ancient cave with it lives, whether meaning to kill or merely scare you off is unknown.
It sits up to full height, towering above the tiny human

Your eyes grow wide, but it changes quickly from fear to wonder “toe beans!”

The human has moved before it can comprehend the…war cry?

And it…..gently presses? against its small appendages to the sensitive feelers along the creatures lining

The small human shows no signs of fear, nor does it cause pain. The ancient dweller is confused. But the human intruder appears thrilled.

The human’s odd feeler squishings are quite pleasant, the creature decides.
So instead of killing or disposing of it, it may stay for now.

As long as it continues the squishes. 

The human, after awhile of sitting with it’s back against the fluffy side whilst squishing the toe beans looks up to its face

“what eyeliner do you use? it’s flawless!” human says incredulously

Yes. Human is very odd. But squishes are nice.

Armin Arlert NSFW headcanons

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Warning: This got,,,,,well really NSFW,,,,and long. Enjoy~

-Armin is such a shy and precious baby.

-You’ll have to instigate it all.

– definite virgin before you got your hands on him. he hadn’t been kissed either

– he is going to be blushing so hard, it’s adorable

– completely submissive, take the reigns and do with him what you please

– he’s not as fragile as he looks, and not so secretly loves it when you get a bit rougher with him

– he tried being the dominant one once

– after an extremely stressful day, lots of Eren getting into trouble, much work with Hanji, he was ready to burst and kissed you harder while you guided him towards the bed

– he might have gotten as far as pushing you against the mattress when his courage fled, face heating up and quickly hiding his face behind his arms embarrassed while you laughed and hugged him to your chest

– Armin can be a bit of a pillow princess

– he loves being pampered and taken care of, especially if it’s after a life threatening mission or more titan attacks

– love him softly with gentle lingering caresses while he melts into your touch, worries lost far behind him.

– you two have a special safe word

– he probably spent an entire day trying to figure out what would be the best safe word to have, from easiest to say and easy to remember or means something to you both while being something non-ridiculous

         – he was so busy mulling over his thoughts that when asked what he was thinking about, he told Jean exactly what was on his mind without hesitation.

                     – All the guys, the entire male half of the barracks who were present during his little slip up, gave him ‘congrats’ and words of encouragement how they never thought he’d do it. Armin near died of embarrassment.

– Jean suggested the word be ‘Eren’ because, in quote, “That would kill anyone’s mood instantly.” -words spoken right before being punched.

– his level of kinkiness depends on what you bring into the bedroom

– he’s too shy to try anything himself, far too embarrassed to bring anything up until wayyyy into your relationship.

– tease him to your hearts content

   – until he’s shaking from it all, until he’s begging for release

– one sure fire way to get him ready, pin him against the bed, hold his arms to the mattress and giving a smirk

– he enjoys bondage, whether you’re just tying his wrists to the headboard, eagle spread limb tied to each post, or full shibari.

– its even better to leave away the restrains and order him to keep his hands away, above his head or at his sides

– it’s so much harder for him, making him start to shake from the effort not to move and disobey you

– he loves it

– if he does fail to hold his position however, he welcomes the ‘punishment’ fully. (if afterwards you apologize for leaving any marks, Armin will shake his head and say “it’s good willpower training” but really he just enjoys it more than he’d like to admit)

– at any rate, he loves the intimacy of it all most

– lots of kisses and communication make for a happy Armin (even if he’s mostly been reduced to whines and moans)

– speaking of, he’s very vocal

– not particularly loud, but so many cute whines, appreciative moans that let you know just how much he’s enjoying it and whimpers when you tease him

– occasionally cries during sex, either from overwhelming emotions finally leaking through or overstimulation

– Armin has always been self conscious about his body since he’s so much smaller and weaker than most, well, everyone else

– not always wanting to take off all his clothes out of fear (even though he knows its irrational) of what you’ll think of his scrawny body

– so be sure to give some extra attention and make sure he knows just how his body makes you feel.

– mark him up

– hickeys, love bites, maybe a few scratches

– he will be so flustered about seeing the marks the next day, fretting about others seeing them and knowing what you two did

– but nonetheless he’s thrilled about it, he sees it as knowing you care about him enough to ‘lay your claim’ and not afraid to show everyone that he’s yours.

– Armin loves giving oral

– its one of the few things he really has confidence in himself in

– he may be a bit slow at getting to it, with words of worship and trails of open mouthed kisses along your legs and inner thighs

– if he’s taking too long for your liking just tug his head to you, he will happily quiet up and press his lips against you

– rock your hips against his face and knot your hand in his hair to guide him exactly how you want, he loves you using him how you like

– feel free to sit on his face and ride until your legs feel like giving out

– loves the feeling of your breath ghosting along his skin

– Armin really isn’t one for taking risks of getting caught, but that doesn’t mean don’t tease him in public

– whether it be your foot between his legs under the table or palming him for a few seconds before heading back to training

– pulling him so his crotch rubs against your leg between his thigh is a wonderful way to get him excited at times he really should not be excited especially since he has to meet Hanji in 3 minutes.

– or maybe pulling him into a supply closet to have your way with him quickly, even without finishing, kissing him senseless and running your hands over him just to leave him breathless and tousled

– also loves when you nibble on his ear, it makes him squeak so cutely

– breath catching in his throat as tingles go down his spine

– Armin loves pegging. from the careful prepping to bending him over the nearest furniture ’til all he can do is moan your name.

– yank his hair while taking him from behind. just do it.

– Armin doesn’t have a lot of stamina but he can hold out for quite awhile (at least until you let him have his release)

– then he’s tired, it takes a lot out of him and he needs rest, barely able to keep his eyes open, panting and in euphoric bliss for a couple moments after

– for aftercare he greatly appreciates when you get a washcloth to clean him up, he’s not sure he could move enough to do it himself, let alone able to stand and get it

– after getting cleaned up and a drink of water, Armin just wants to lay in your arms, exhausted and content while you comb your fingers through his hair

– he’ll thank you every time, especially if you did something new he suggested

– if you’re ever a little extra rough on him and leave more marks and get worried about it, Armin will settle your fears by telling you how much he enjoyed it or chiding that he isn’t weak

– Armin is tired and weak limbed after sex but stays awake just a little longer so he can cuddle against you and talk for a few minutes before the exhaustion really kicks in

‘Dirty’ Kurt

Kurt, oh Kurt. Our precious little blueberry.

With even more innocence than our spider boy, the dirtiest Kurt has ever been was when he went to fetch some extra knitting yarn in a closet for on of the students, he sneezed and was covered in dust.

Let it be known he also tends to BAMF when spooked or sneezing, and he ended up porting right beside Warren who got freaked enough to squawk and shed a few loose feathers.

First Christmas {L/Lawliet x reader}

Alright, L has his boys in this, that’s how this is gonna go…..tiny Matt. Matt and Mello are 10 and Near is 8 for this.

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“I can’t believe you weren’t even allowed a Christmas there” you mutter, turning to stare at the screen in front of your beloved so you didn’t end up glaring at him instead

“It’s not necessary, so Wammy’s didn’t see any need to have holidays.”

You deadpan at him “Neither is eating your weight in sweets daily, I’m surprised you were allowed any.”

The fork stopped halfway to Lawliet’s mouth. He paused for a moment trying to think of an answer, but finding none suitable just took the bite and continued to silently stare at the screen and scroll through new cases.

You rolled your eyes, you knew your first Christmas with L was his first Christmas ever, but those poor boys. No Santa, no presents, not even a decorated tree.

You weren’t opposed to making a few heads roll.

But, you had bigger things to plan.

After Watari had adopted him and then started Wammy’s orphanage, L ended up spending a lot of time there as well. And he trusted them. It was what he knew.
And with how time consuming and dedicated he was to his detective work he knew he couldn’t raise two boys, so he entrusted them to be safe there, and visit when he could.

Now that he has you to help though, who the boys absolutely adore (especially since you could drop by more often, especially when bearing gifts) maybe Lawliet could care for his sons.
(And Mail Jeevas, Mihael’s best friend who he refused to leave and told his father this the first time it was mentioned of him and Nate possibly coming to live with him in the future.)

He wanted them around much more than he let on. Usually his missing them was spoken alone when you’d finally get him to come to bed, or thinking out loud of wondering how they are today when he’s alone or with you.

Therefore whether you were naturally for the festivities or not, this year was not one to skimp out on.
Lights were to be hung, stockings needed personalizing, and many gifts were to be wrapped.

Decorating the tree would wait until everyone was there to help.

Luckily your shopping was done, having bought L’s gifts far in advance and getting a nice supply of toys for your little Near, and impressive variety of chocolates for Mello and a stack of games for the newest console Matt had been ‘dying to have’.

You had been planning to take the presents, and a few extra for the other kids at Wammy’s, to the orphanage on Christmas eve. But when Lawliet mentioned the idea of the boys coming to live with you sooner, before the holiday hit, that was too good an offer.

L had smiled at your excitement when he proposed it, he was so happy you loved his boys as much as you do.

And although he doesn’t outwardly show it, the prospect of them being there, even though traveling for cases around the world with three small kids as well would be a small hassle, made him happier than he could recall.

Despite that though, L still didn’t understand the apparent severity of this being their first Christmas.

It was all pretty to look at, and he had greatly enjoyed his first Christmas spent with you last year. But it didn’t seem all that significant through his perspective.

But L trusted your judgement fully. And if that meant garland with lights, the smell of pine, and of course, an assortment of are those cookies homemade? Well then who is he to mind.

Mello and Near had long ago given up wishing for a picture perfect movie Christmas.

Matt was a little more wistful, sometimes daydreaming about a warm fireplace and being surrounded by a family, drinking cocoa with Mello and looking at a fancy decorated tree like the shops have, the bottom piled high by colorful presents.
Sometimes when the holiday grew nearer, and the snow began to fall, he would lie in bed picturing it while Mello slept soundly across from him.

But even he knew that the idea was ridiculous.

It quickly became nothing short of depressing to see the gleeful lights and happy Santa decorations outside for the boys.

Mello would scoff to hide how sad it actually made him and Matt would try and make a halfhearted joke. Near would turn back to the toys in front of him rather, and sneak mere glances at the lights.

Nor did any of them think that it would ever change. Especially not so soon.

The boys’ rude awakening came when Matt and Mello walked back to their shared room to find most of their belongings had been carefully boxed by staff and Roger calmly handing each of them a backpack.

Matt almost dropped his Gameboy and Mello actually did drop his bar of chocolate. Then all Mello’s hell broke loose.

“Roger why are you being so pushy!” Mello’s indignant anger wasn’t giving the old man any breaks. It didn’t help that he wasn’t being told what was happening either.

“Come now boys, you mustn’t be late. You all have somewhere to be.” Roger ushered the shouting boy along to the vehicle where Near was already standing, a similar bag at his feet and a robot from L dangling in his arms.

Matt readjusted the backpack strap on his shoulder and followed closely behind Mello.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on!” Mello yanked the collar of Near’s jacket, pulling him back before he entered the limo.

Roger sighed at his stubbornness, L had specifically requested that the boys not be told. But at this rate they would never get there.

“L has requested your presence.”

Mello’s expression morphed into one of surprise, his eyes widened before he clamped his mouth shut. Letting go of Near’s jacket to let him get in the limo before climbing in with Matt.

‘If only I had said that sooner’ Roger thought with an exhale of relief. ‘It would’ve saved so much trouble.’

Christmas music was playing quietly when they arrived.

The boys were dropped at the hotel L was currently residing in and told what room to go to.

Once Mello had knocked on the door, almost hesitantly from how odd this all seemed, L padded over to open the door.

“You’re all here.” the fondness in L’s tone was clear.

The three young boys looked up to see their father with a small smile, along with a startling red Santa cap perched on top of his messy hair.

Near was the first to move, going right to hug his arms around L’s waist softly, followed by an enthusiastic hug from Matt. “Dad!” he grinned and tossed the backpack off his shoulder.

Mello instead stepped inside, noting the soft and cheery music ringing through the suite first, then his eyes widened seeing the multicolor strands of lights and garland hung along the wall.

He was speechless, there was a small Christmas village set up on a coffee table near the center of the room, a plate of holiday cookies where his father must’ve been sitting at the computer just prior.

Mello was stunned with it all, until he turned to see you standing next to a fake Christmas pine tree and smiling at him.

“Merry Christmas Mihael.” you opened your arms for a hug and he rushed over to you, pressing his face hard against your ribs when you wrap him in a tight hug.

Faintly he can hear Matt saying ‘woah’ as he finally notices the decorations, and no doubt Near is wide eyed in disbelief.

L hums as his boys leave his embrace and wander further inside towards you. He grabs their backpacks before closing the door again. Turning around to see the starstruck looks on both Near and Matt, then his gaze traveling to the tight hug Mello had trapped you in.

You grinned brightly when the other two boys walked in, the awed looks telling you that your efforts definitely weren’t a waste. You patted Mello’s back gently when his grip began to loosen, now the real fun could begin.

“Do you boys think you could help me decorate the tree?” you gesture to a large stack of ornament boxes piled off to the side.

Matt excitedly starts looking through the ornaments, finding a few you were sure he’d like and Near came to help you with the ornament hooks, first hugging you softly then leaving one hand gently holding onto the hem of your sweater.

“Come on L, you should join us.” you call to the detective before he reached his chair.

“…Alright.” the corners of L’s mouth quirked up seeing the boys so enthusiastic around merely decorating a tree. He took the candy cane you had offered him and started to help Mello unbox a few ornaments.

“Would any one like some hot cocoa?” Watari rolled a small cart of steaming mugs into the room

All in all a few ornaments were broken my nudging each other to reach better and swept away, and there were far more decorations on the lower half of the tree where the boys could reach than the top, and even more just were Near had been standing next to you through the process.

The real joy came when you and L went into the bedroom to grab all the gifts to put under the tree, three sets of very interested eyes watched the pair stack colorful and glossy packages beneath the plastic branches.

“Are any of those…for us?” Near asked quietly.

Matt scooted to the edge of the couch to get a closer look “Yea, are there? Are they really presents? or just, just some more decorations?” his voice hopeful but trailing off at the last question.

The two of them were close to breaking your heart.

“Of course.” Lawliet replied simply as he finished putting out the gifts.

“Really?” even with Mello’s skeptical look he began to look hopeful at the presents.

Watari brought out another platter of decorated sugar cookies while you took a seat on the couch with them draped a blanket across the short length to reach everyone’s laps, Near set his cocoa and bell shaped cookie on the table before crawling over you to sit down.

You were sat on the small couch provided by the hotel, having moved it to set in front of the messily decorated tree, three cups of hot chocolate abandoned on the table in front of you.

Near was curled against your side and fast asleep while you petted his soft hair. Mello and Matt were squished together on the side of you underneath a blanket, Matt was snoring lightly and Mello barely able to, but determined to stay awake.
Holding the now cold cup of cocoa with both hands and staring at the lit tree when it truly dawned on him, this is a Christmas.

L didn’t understand the great big purpose of all the decorating, nor the carols and feast. But seeing his boys, his family, so content with such was more than worth any price.