Peter Maximoff getting drunk, and after a lot of stumbling and opening strange doors, he finally ends up finding his way back to your room while you’re gone and sitting down memorized by watching your fish tank.
When you walk in and find him staring at your fish, face pressed up against the glass still as a statue you asks what he’s doing, not hearing you come in he gets spooked and falls backwards at your voice then realizes its you. He looks up at you, still lying on the floor and gives a dopey grin before leaning in and loudly whisper telling you he can read the fishes lips and until you finally get him to sleep he’s telling you he gained a fish language mutation and that he will solve the worlds problems through fish

Valentine’s with Petey

Peter would be so romantic for valentines though? (he’s the cheesiest hopeless romantic) he has one his old dress suit (now 3 sizes too small and his muscles don’t help here) has a box of chocolates for you and your favorite flowers, ready to go surprise you for a date when you knock on his door, a huge smile on your face carrying the biggest teddy bear you could find saying “I love you beary much” and a big bouquet of HIS favorite flowers

imagine when Peter Parker has a kid though, you’re out for the day and Peter’s at home with your not yet walking toddler, he goes into the kitchen for a glass of water while baby is playing and when he comes back, they’re gone. He starts to panic tearing the apartment apart and he hears the baby do that giggle/laugh babies have and he looks up, his child inherited his spiderness and is crawling on the ceiling. Peter then promptly proceeds to pass out.

Bertha the twinkie loving cow (Peter Maximoff x reader)

Peter’s on a run one day, going no where in particular and somehow ends up a few states away, at a dairy farm. (where the cows are in fields. I despise the others)

Peter’s standing by the fence, eating twinkies and watching cows for a few minutes then one of the cows walks up to him mooing and starring at him expectantly.

Peter looks from the cow, to the twinkie in his hand “What? you want this?” the cow mooed in response, walking right up to him eating the twinkie from his extended hand and licking his fingers for more. Peter grinned.

{two hours, three boxes of twinkies, and some help from Scott to ‘sneak’ a cow into the dorms later}

You walk into Peter’s room and lean against the doorframe staring at Peter’s new roommate. “Peter, why is there a cow in your room now?”

Peter stops petting the cow and looks up from his spot on his ‘borrowed’ couch “(Y/n) I told you earlier, her name is Bertha”

You sighed shaking your head “Fine Peter. Why is Bertha in your room?”

“Well I couldn’t take her back to the farm where I found her” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

You rubbed your temples. Oh the things you put up with for this boy.

“And why couldn’t you take her back to the farm, she’s a milk cow she would’ve been fine”

Peter looked at you with a horrified expression

“Because they only gave her grass and cow food!”

“Peter that’s what all cows eat.”

“Well not Bertha.” he petted the cows head, making it moo affectionately “She likes twinkies and they weren’t giving her any, no way she’s going back. Plus, free milk.” Peter said smugly eating a twinkie like he just won, and hand feeding one to Bertha who happily ate it

You plopped down on the couch next to Peter, grabbing an extra twinkie from his box “Fine. But your explaining this to Charles.”

Peter wrapped his arm around your shoulder, nuzzling your neck “You’re gonna love Bertha! she’s great and loves twinkies, just like you”

You glared at him “Pietro whatever your middle name is Maximoff, you did not just compare me to a cow.” you growled at him
Peter gulped and speed backed away quickly, not taking his eyes off you and tripped into a small table behind him
you stood up slowly, looking increasingly intimidating to Peter “N-now (Y/n) I didn’t mean it like that-(Y/n), (Y/N)!”

And that’s the story of how Xavier’s school for gifted youngsters got a cow named Bertha. And the reason poor Charles Xavier who did not sign up for this, had to write a letter of apology to a very confused dairy farmer in Ohio.

This is also where Charles truly regrets not taking Erik up on his offer to live with him in their love shack on a beach in Cuba

~~I’m proud I wrote something but dammit I got 7 10k drafts I can’t seem to finish~~