Okay so like there are vampires but one of the side effects of becoming a vampire is that you can’t explicitly tell people you’re a vampire.
Like, if they already know you’re a vampire, that’s cool and you can talk about it with them whenever. And if they don’t know but are straight up like “hey are you a vampire?” you can be like “yes I am” and then you can talk to them about being a vampire because they already know now.
But the point is you can’t tell people.
So you’ve got this vampire who really wants to tell their friends and they’re dropping all these hints and being as obvious as they possibly can be but their friends just think they over-exaggerate everything.
“Hey, when did you learn to lock pick?” “Sometime around the middle ages, I think.” “Okay, fine, I won’t pry then.”
“Cool shirt! When did you get it?” “Oh, about fifty years ago or so.” “Dude you weren’t even alive. It’s a hand-me-down, then?”
“Hey check out this cool Renaissance painting.” *points to a person lying dramatically on the ground* “That’s me.” “Haha, that totally would be you. I’m the one getting his head chopped off.” “No, you don’t get it that’s actually me.” “God, I know. You’re so dramatic.”
“How long has it been since you’ve been to Europe?” “A couple centuries at least.”
“What’s this red drink in your fridge?” “Blood.” “Is it that new diet drink?” “No, it’s blood.” “No, seriously. I’m thinking about trying this diet. Does it work?” *sighs* “No.”
“How come you don’t have any mirrors in your house?” “I don’t have a reflection.” “Cool. It’s really admirable that you’re not letting society’s expectations dictate your life.”
“Hey, it’s really sunny out today. Wanna go for a walk?” “No. I will literally burn up and die.” “Fine, stay inside and watch Netflix. That’s cool too.”
“I heard these coffin beds are really supposed to help you sleep. I’ve never seen one this cool though. Where’d you get it?” “I was buried in it.” “Fine. Don’t tell me.”
“Dude, why are you always so cold?” “I’m dead.” “No, really. I think you might be anemic. Are you getting enough iron?”
Tag: vampire
god nerfed me by making me allergic to garlic and sunlight
so, a vampire?
i can confirm that i am not a vampire as i have blood
Is it your blood?
it is blood, yes
Is it blood that has always belonged to you, from the moment of your spawning?
it is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood
Vampire Lover Head canons
-They become tiny bats to eat the mosquitoes bothering you
-They will use their persuading magic to help you do your homework/chores when you don’t feel like doing them
-They will often calm the animals when you go to the zoo so you can see them
-You fly through the midnight sky together
-You don’t know who your lover eats, but the result is that you always have extra money in your account…
-They always tell you that you don’t have to look into a mirror to know that you look amazing
okay so this implies that either
1. my vampire partner drinks blood of people and robs their corpses and puts the money in my account
2. they succ dick
They do both, my dude.
so if a vampire ingests period blood, not actually drinking it from the human, then gives them blood do they turn into a vampire
You buy a coffin for your coffee table at a yard sale without looking inside, no one would actually sell a used coffin or dead body you figure.
A few weeks later during your biweekly get together with a few neighborhood acquaintances over for fondue you set your wine glass down a little too loudly and wake up a now very cranky vampire.
You’re now stuck with a vampire housemate because that’s the comfiest bed he’s had in 300+ years and he’ll be blessed by a priest before he moves out and you wont let it leave because it looks stunning in your living room
At the next neighborhood get together he stands glaring out from the kitchen directly at your newest neighbor Jacqueline "If that woman gets cup rings on my coffin I’m killing her.“
You take another bottle of wine from the cabinet "If she does then I’ll help you”
Vampire
“Really (Bf/n)? your taking me to get drunk on faerie booze?” you asked as your best friend pulled you through the large enchanted doors of a well known underground faerie bar. “Well it’ll help you get over him, wont it?” she asked, giggling. “You can say his name (Bf/n), he was just a stupid elf. I don’t care.” you replied whilst rolling your eyes.
Earlier you had seen your stupid Elfen ex making out with some skimpy little Empousa and upon hearing this your wonderfully cheerful Naiad of a friend decided to get the jerk out of your head, so with her logic you both needed to go hang out at Taki’s, the best mythicals hangout to date, a night never stayed dull for those who went.
So reluctantly, you agreed. Not that she’d let you have much choice in the matter to begin with. After flicking your hand making your hair and outfit go to your liking (your a witch) the two of you had headed to Taki’s.
The sound of bronze gears whirring filled the air as the many complicated devices on the large carved oaken doors opening, as soon as they were unclosed you could smell many potions and magical drinks. You could feel the excitement “I’ll go get us some Dracon brews, aye?” (Bf/n) said and headed towards the bar.
You sighed to yourself, (Bf/n) had disappeared when a cute merman walked by and winked at her. Taking a look around you didn’t see anything particularly interesting nor did you see (Bf/n). “Naiads.” you muttered glaring at your silvery glowing drink before taking a sip.
“What’ve you got against the water witches?” A voice beside you said. You looked over and saw a vampire with white tossled hair looking at you with a small grin, fangs peeking out of his mouth his eyes glinting with amusement.
Putting your drink on one of the tables that were walking by you turned you attention to him. “Nothing against ‘em, but who’re you to butt in?” you answered “Well seeing a beautiful witch standing here by herself looking quite miffed, I couldn’t just leave without trying to cheer her up now could I?” He said with an honest smile. British accent adding to his charm.
“Rough night?” He asked
“More like bothersome day” you grumbled.
He hummed at your response.
“Well then, tell me about your day and I’ll buy you a whatever that thing your drinking is, sound good?” He said while waving over a nymph waitress
“And why would you be interested in the junk that happened for my day” I questioned a little suspicious
He sighed “is it really so bad to be polite nowadays? Try to have an innocent conversation with a beauty and everyone thinks your up to something.” He grumbled the last part but you caught it, his words making you laugh slightly
“Maybe its because everyone has hidden intentions?” You offered
“Why yes I would like to talk to and possibly get to know a beautiful girl and see why she’s so down. Pull out the pitch forks and call me the villain.” He said while rolling his eyes.
“Since you don’t seem intent on leaving me alone anytime soon, shouldn’t we at least sit?” You said gesturing to an empty booth across the room.
“But of course m’lady, and my name is Alabaster, if it interests you at all.” He said smiling and starting towards the table
“I am (Y/n), its nice to meet you Alabaster” you said sliding into the seat across from him.
“A beautiful names for someone equally stunning, my darling.” He said to you then ordered you another Dracon beverage like before and a alcoholic B+ positive for himself and some fried Hydra scales
“Darling, m’lady, gentlemanly, just how old are you Alabaster?” You questioned once he was done ordering.
“Old enough that I should have enough tricks up my sleeves to make your evening enjoyable, darling. So, tell me what troubles you” he answered, returning his gaze to you
You told him all about that no good Elf and his little Empousa and about how that flirty Naiad disappeared on you while you helped yourself to some fried scales. He listened intently not missing a word.
“Well m’lady if he was so foolish as to betray you in the first place he was never worth your time. And as for your friend shell surely turn up somewhere around here.” He said once you had finished. “But if your truly bothered by this your ex’s stupidity, I can take care of him for you though I’m not very fond of Elf blood.” He added
“Elf smelf. Its much more pleasant hanging with you anyway” you replied
He smiled happily at your words
“It seems to be getting quite close to daylight my dear, I guess I and most likely you should be going. And I think your friend has decided to return” he said pointing to a certain Naiad who was dancing with their Merman and getting up from the booth, you doing the same
“Farewell for now darling, and it has been a pleasure to talk with such a gorgeous creature this night.” He said and lightly kissed your hand.
“Not so fast Vampy” you muttered as he turned to leave
You grabbed his shoulder spinning him towards you and pressed your lips to his.
He was shocked by your actions but shyly kissed back
“You missed the first time, Alabaster.” You said and turned to fetch (Bf/n) leaving him wide eyed
He looked down at his hand seeing a piece of paper with a contact for your crystal ball.
He started heading home quite happy with who he met and he couldn’t wait to speak with you again.
Some monsters just want to be loved~
Toad's Cave 