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“Why is there seven tubs of Vaseline in your closet?….” you ask, curiously.

“Because I’m ashy as fuck Y/N. The skin tight spandex I wear every god damn day is killing my once beautiful, baby ass smooth skin!” Dick rolled his hand into a fist. His eyes full of angst. He marches towards his closet, opening it’s door to reveal his holy stash of Vaseline. He reaches inside to grab a tub.

He rips his clothes off. “I will no longer be a slave to my dry, crusty as fuck ashy skin!!” Dick sinks his hand into the bottom of the tub and grabs the entire block of Vaseline. He proceeds to rub it vigorously all over his nakedness. Yes. Even his no-no zone. After he achieves his final form, the Dick runs towards the window and crashes through it. The Dick stretches his arms out exposing himself to the soaring, fresh air of Gotham.

“I’M FREE!” He declares as he migrates to the South.

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A/N: First Sentence requests are closed!

I am not sorry for anything. 

Tags: @memento-scribet